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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25875328">New Magic</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsbashermoran/pseuds/kaizokuseb'>kaizokuseb (itsbashermoran)</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Dragon Prince (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>(this is going to take forever i’m sorry), Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, Dark Magic, Emotional Sex, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Imprisonment, M/M, Mental Breakdown, Mindfuck, Multi, Necromancy, Panic Attacks, Past Abuse, Past Torture, Power Dynamics, Psychological Torture, Self-Hatred, Slow Burn, Temporary Character Death, Touch-Starved, Trauma</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 09:07:39</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>28,209</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25875328</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsbashermoran/pseuds/kaizokuseb</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Roman is in prison and expecting execution. He doesn't expect the new king of Katolis to take an interest after hearing the strange story around his arrest. He certainly doesn't expect Aaravos.<br/>or<br/>i thought too much about the pretty elf man and his mean boyfriend and got carried away. tags and rating subject to change</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Aaravos (The Dragon Prince)/Original Male Character(s), Aaravos/Viren (The Dragon Prince), Aaravos/Viren (The Dragon Prince)/Original Male Character(s), Viren (The Dragon Prince)/Original Male Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>42</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. the wrong questions</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>spoilers at the end if you need a trigger warning for blood (no violence)! i know its short, but i like the surprise, so i didn't want to tag it.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The prisoner was something no one had seen before. Anyone could see that he wasn’t an elf, but those who had seen him fight knew that he couldn’t be <em>human</em> either.</p><p>Roman could hear them whispering, though he was sure they didn’t realize he heard them. They wondered at what he could do, where he came from, who might have sent him. No one approached to ask him directly, so he didn’t offer any information. At some point, they would decide what to do with him, and opening his mouth could only make his situation worse.</p><p>It took two days for someone in charge to make a decision. They didn’t tell him what was happening when they pulled him out of his cell, hands chained and wrapped so he couldn’t use magic if he tried. It wasn’t a long trip from the Katolis Capital’s prison to the castle dungeon, a brief respite before he was chained to a wall once again and left alone in a slightly damp stone cell.</p><p>A table in a corner by the door drew his concerned attention. It was covered in tools and dark magic components, some he recognized and some he didn’t. It seemed strange to leave such things in a cell with a prisoner they suspected of dark magic, but even if he could escape to reach them, he knew he couldn’t use them. It was nothing that could help him escape.</p><p>Roman had been restrained often enough that he could almost say he had grown used to the feeling, but this was one of the more uncomfortable imprisonments he had experienced. He was positioned on his knees, manacles attached by a painfully short chain to the wall above his head. The room was cold, not freezing but uncomfortable. His fingers were already slowly losing feeling, but he didn’t know if that was from lack of circulation, the cold, or spending two days in chains.</p><p>He guessed it was a mix of the three.</p><p>After a while (Roman had no way of guessing how long), the door opened again. Whatever he had expected to see, it wasn’t the <em> new king of Katolis</em>. Like, he suspected, most people, Roman wouldn’t have known the man by sight, but even he recognized the crown.</p><p>“I hope you will excuse the accommodations,” Viren said. There was command in his voice, in his straight shoulders and the way he looked down at his prisoner, all just beneath the surface of a polite politician. <em> Uh oh</em>. “I was told that several people had to see healers because of you, and no one is <em> quite </em>sure what you’ve done to them.”</p><p>Roman frowned. “I didn’t do anything special,” he said, swallowing the guilt he felt when he remembered the state he had left them in. They attacked <em> him, </em> and he told himself he shouldn’t feel bad about defending himself, but...</p><p>“Captain Wren tells me that your eyes turned black in the struggle. As if you were using dark magic.”</p><p>“Oh.” He should have realized someone would have seen. “No, I, um. I can’t use magic.”</p><p>Viren stilled, eyes narrowing. It made Roman feel small in a way he hadn’t since he made his way to Katolis six months ago. “I’m not sure you understand the position you find yourself in,” the king said slowly. “If the story of your arrest hadn’t interested me, you would doubtlessly already have been executed. You will find no escape from this place. Your continued survival is <em> entirely </em> dependent on my will.”</p><p>Roman hesitated, reconsidering his story now. The truth wouldn’t save him, but he might at least find a better lie. “It’s the truth,” he said. “I don’t have the ability.”</p><p>“If you insist on lying to me, we have nothing further to discuss.” Viren turned to the table and picked up a knife.</p><p>“Wait—” Roman had only a moment to call out before the king cut a small line across his forearm, deep enough to let blood drip down to his bicep and soak into his rolled sleeve. He hissed at the pain, barely noticing the cloth pressed to his arm, collecting his blood, until it was too late to even attempt to protest.</p><p>Viren cleaned the sharp blade with the same cloth, perfectly calm as Roman glared up at him. The king looked at him again and paused, gaze settling on the arm still smeared with blood. His eyes widened, and he reached out to run his fingers over the smooth skin where the cut had been. “How…?” Viren met his eyes, shook his head, and turned away. “Have some time to think about your situation. Maybe the next time I see you, you will have more to say.”</p><p>The door of the cell was closed behind him before his prisoner could say another word.</p><p>~~</p><p>It was two days before Viren returned. A guard had come back twice in that time, offering both food and water silently. Roman accepted the water but refused the food. He couldn’t stomach it when <em> need </em>had been gnawing at him since before he even arrived in this castle. Now his body was beginning to ache, not just from the forced kneeling position or the tightness of the chains but from the slow corruption of his body struggling to function.</p><p>His fingers didn’t move anymore when he tried to flex them, and he tried to convince himself that it was a normal lack of circulation.</p><p>Roman was already glaring at the king when he stepped through the door. Viren looked him over and seemed pleased with whatever he saw. There was a tray in his hands; he set it in front of his prisoner and brought a chair from the corner with a snap of his fingers. When he sat, he made the simple wood chair look like a throne.</p><p>“You should eat,” Viren said.</p><p>“Why? You’re just going to kill me, aren’t you?” The hunger and pain made him irritable. It was always better to be polite to people more powerful than himself, he knew from experience, but he didn’t feel very cooperative now.</p><p>It was infuriating when the king smiled, seemingly amused by his anger. “Perhaps not. You have a chance to survive if you prove yourself useful. But you won’t if you starve yourself to death first. You should eat.”</p><p>“How do I know you haven’t poisoned it?”</p><p>“Does it matter? Poisoned or executed, your death is at my discretion.”</p><p>Roman scowled. There was no reason to keep drawing this out, except that he knew the man would leave again soon, and the visits from the silent guard barely broke the monotony. As much as he wanted his freedom, he wanted to not be left alone in this cell more, so he kept delaying the inevitable. “Would you even unchain me to eat it?” he growled, and oh, his voice was a little rougher than he thought was wise when speaking to a king.</p><p>“I’m afraid you haven’t earned that freedom,” Viren said airily. He picked up the plate, drawing another murderous glare from the man on his knees. “Luckily for you, the king of Katolis is offering to feed you by hand. I’m sure many would like to be in your place.”</p><p>“I won’t be fed by hand like a <em> dog </em>,” Roman spat furiously. He changed his mind; silence was better than this. “I don’t want your disgusting food.”</p><p>“I assure you, this is no prison gruel. I don’t see any reason not to feed my prisoners well.” Viren took a glass bottle from the plate, and for the first time, Roman hesitated. The king noticed his gaze and paused. “Moonberry juice from Xadia. Would you like some?”</p><p>The liquid was dark red and looked thick when it moved. Roman logically knew that it wasn’t what he needed, but the desperate animal in his body screamed for him to drink it. He wouldn’t even like it, it would make him <em> sick, </em>but he didn’t know if he could deny the need.</p><p>“Your eyes.” Viren’s voice drew his attention. The king was staring at him, seeming captivated. His eyes flicked up to his prisoner’s bound hands and then back to his face. “You aren’t using magic.”</p><p>“I <em> told </em> you I <em> can't</em>.” There was too much of a bite in his voice. His eyes were straying back to the bottle, so he closed them and took several slow breaths. When he looked at the king, the light in the room had dimmed, his sharp focus disappearing as his eyes settled to their natural color again. “You must have seen by now that your people are fine. Unless your healers’ magic is so incompetent that they can’t heal simple physical injuries.”</p><p>Viren frowned. There was anger in his eyes, but he was calm as he studied Roman. Never a good sign. Then, he leaned closer, holding the glass bottle between them. “You want this, don't you?” His voice was soft. Roman couldn’t tear his gaze from the liquid, but he could feel the king studying him. “You look much worse than you should after two days without food. Is it this you want? Or something else?”</p><p>Roman couldn’t stop the change, even though he knew he was giving the man what he wanted. He ran his tongue over his fangs, keeping his mouth closed to hide them, and neither the sharp pain or the drop of his own blood calmed him. The bottle tilted, a drop spilling onto the stone floor, and he jerked forward against the chains without thought. “Please.” He sounded wrecked, his voice too low and desperate. “Stop, I can't… I don’t know what you want me to <em> say</em>.”</p><p>“Tell me what this is in your eyes. What is it you need?”</p><p>“Blood. I—need blood.”</p><p>Viren stopped. It was another moment before he put the bottle back on the plate, sending both to rest on the table with a flick of his fingers that carried them through the air. “Will you die without it?” He didn’t look away from his prisoner, seeming fascinated.</p><p>Roman hung his head. The loss of the bottle so close to his face had cut through his screaming instincts to leave him miserable and aching. “No,” he said quietly. “I won’t die, but…”</p><p>“Yes?”</p><p>“My body will stop working. It won’t—function.”</p><p>“Mm. That sounds painful.”</p><p>Roman looked up sharply. He knew some of his fear must have shown on his face because there was a small smirk on the king’s. “It is.” There was no use denying what the man already knew.</p><p>“I imagine you would like to avoid such a fate,” Viren said. He leaned closer (so close Roman could feel the warmth) and twisted his fingers through his prisoner’s hair, forcing his head back. “Show me your teeth.”</p><p>So close to a living thing, Roman didn’t have to reach for his other face. It came to him immediately, his body so hopeful that he would be fed this time. He was hesitant as he opened his mouth, letting the king study him. The man’s eyes drifted over his sharp fangs, his black eyes, the veins that darkened around his eyes, a sharp contrast on his pale skin.</p><p>“Fascinating,” Viren said, seemingly only to himself. He held the prisoner still as his other hand came to touch his face, following the path of his veins before breaking away to drift down to his mouth. He paused when Roman shuddered, looking down at him curiously. “You may have a mouthful of my blood if you bite me, but that will be <em> all </em> you are given. Do you understand? Control yourself.”</p><p>Roman nodded immediately, the pull on his hair barely registering through the ache. He could feel the warmth of blood beneath the king’s skin like a line of fire pressed to his cold face. His unsteady heartbeat had begun to race, a sharp contrast to Viren’s, only slightly elevated and perfectly even.</p><p>The king touched his lips, and Roman forced his mouth to open. Viren was careful as he felt first the normal, dull bottom teeth and then over the edge of a fang. Unfortunately for both of them, the touch wasn’t light enough, and a drop of blood spilled before he jerked back with a hiss. The taste filled Roman’s mouth, and his body pulled against the chains once more without his permission. He whimpered when the king leaned back and knew his eyes were dark with need and pleading for more when he looked up at the man.</p><p>“I have never seen anything like you,” Viren said with a breath of a laugh. He seemed younger with this delighted curiosity in his eyes. “You will tell me everything.” He tilted his head. “But not like this, I think. Can you even hear me now?”</p><p>Roman nodded slowly. He didn’t dare open his mouth, too aware that he wouldn’t be able to control his begging if he tried to speak now.</p><p>“I will send someone with blood for you.” Viren stood, sending his chair back to the corner as he stepped toward the door. “Until next time.”</p><p>The door closed, and Roman fought down a scream of frustration.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>for anyone who skipped: Roman is a vampire. blood drinking is only mentioned in this chapter but will be depicted in later ones (not overly descriptive).<br/>please let me know if you spot any errors, inconsistencies, or anything i forgot to tag! if i don't upload this now, i'll just edit it forever and never share, so i hope it turned out okay!</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. the debt i owe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Aaravos enters, and a spell is cast.</p>
          </blockquote><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>buckle up, babes, this is where those mindfuck tags come in. this is the darkest chapter i've written so far (five now), so just hold on because the next holds the (hopefully proportionate) comfort</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The usual silent guard came not long after the king left. She couldn’t hide the disgust in her eyes, but she didn’t say a word as she held to glass to his lips. Roman drank it all without hesitation, the euphoria of finally, <em> finally </em> being fed wiping out the shame he always felt when someone saw him drink. It wasn’t enough, but the pain finally lessened to a manageable level.</p><p>The relief of the warmth running through his body made the dungeon itself much more bearable. Roman wasn’t sure how long he was alone this time, but he was still in a much better mood by the next time the door opened.</p><p>This time, Viren didn’t come alone. He stood by the door as a guard stood over the prisoner, adjusting his chains. After a moment, he was no longer attached to the wall, though his hands were still manacled in front of him. Roman cooperated completely as she pulled him away from the wall and directed him to a metal chair she had put in the middle of the room. His chains were reattached to the seat beneath his legs, allowing him to raise his hands about a foot above his lap. When she left, the king stepped to the table still in the corner of the room.</p><p>“I thought you might appreciate a change of position,” Viren said as he produced another bottle from an inner pocket of his jacket</p><p>“I do,” Roman said. “Thank you.”</p><p>“Mm. You’re more polite when you’ve been fed, I see.” The bottle wasn’t clear this time, but it was easy to guess what was inside. Viren sat it on the table and turned to look at him. “If you want more, you may have it after answering my questions. Understand?” He smiled when his prisoner nodded. “Good. My companion will be here soon. He was traveling when you arrived, or you would have met him already. He has taken quite an interest in you.”</p><p>That didn’t sound good, but Roman didn’t think he was in a position to question it. It was terrifying to think that he had given the king so much power over him. A fate worse than death awaited him now if he displeased the man, and he was still too weak to do anything about these chains.</p><p>Viren sat back against the table and studied him. “How much blood does it take to satisfy you?” he asked.</p><p>Roman thought for a moment. “I need as much in my body as a human does,” he said slowly. “A cup a day is enough usually, keeps me at a normal level. But I…” He frowned, hesitating, but the king didn’t interrupt. “If I’ve starved, I won’t be satisfied until I drink at least enough to fill a human body.”</p><p>“Mm. How much was left the last time I visited?”</p><p>“I—don’t know. Not enough. I was starving.” What he had been fed wasn’t nearly enough, and he could feel the ache even if the real pain had been staved off for another day. “I’m <em> still </em>starving. If you would just—” Roman cut himself off, looking away abruptly when he heard the frustration creeping into his own voice. He cleared his throat. “It doesn’t hurt as much now. Thank you.”</p><p>“If you cooperate fully, I will see to it that you have your fill,” Viren said, smiling when the younger man looked up at him. “I can be very kind to those who please me, and I see no reason to torture a prisoner who cooperates.” He looked like he might say more, but the door opened, drawing his attention away. “Aaravos, you’re late.”</p><p>The elf who entered was like nothing Roman had ever seen before. His skin was a deep blue, smoothly transitioning to a lighter shade on his face and his hands. He was taller than the king with long white hair, gently curving horns, and long pointed ears, but none of that was as shocking as the stars under his skin. They were beautiful, scattered like freckles over his cheeks and sparkling across his arms and chest, all visible skin with only a cape that covered just his shoulders to hide any of his upper body.</p><p>Roman hadn’t seen an elf before in his life, but he was sure they didn’t look like this. Someone would have <em> told </em> him if they were all this beautiful.</p><p>“Allow me to introduce you.” Viren’s voice snapped him back to reality as he turned to his prisoner. The starred being was smirking, clearly having caught him staring. “This is Archmage Aaravos. And… oh, I never did ask your name, did I?”</p><p>Roman looked away from the archmage, trying to pretend the feeling in his gut was solely fear and embarrassment at his own staring. “It’s Roman,” he said.</p><p>“Roman. It is a pleasure to meet you.”</p><p><em> Oh. </em> Roman’s eyes were on Aaravos again, the voice that somehow matched the beauty of this elf sending a shiver down his spine that was impossible to pass off as fear. <em> I am so fucked</em>. “Uh.” His own voice sounded far away. He cleared his throat. “Sure. Likewise.”</p><p>The small smile on the archmage’s face said that he was used to causing a reaction like this but was no less pleased for how often it must happen. “King Viren has told me about you,” Aaravos said as he stepped further into the room. “Will you show me your other face?”</p><p>The question sounded so casual, but Roman <em> felt </em> the command instead of hearing it. He didn’t even think before letting his eyes turn black, lips already slightly parted in anticipation of allowing his teeth to be studied again.</p><p>“Ah.” Aaravos didn’t grab him as the king had done. Instead, he lightly touched Roman’s chin, tilting his head back with barely the suggestion of pressure in his fingertips. His dark eyes took the young man apart, seeming to see all the way through him. The archmage’s hand moved to cup his cheek (<em>only four fingers—strange)</em>, and his thumb pressed gently at Roman’s bottom lip. Aaravos hummed thoughtfully and didn’t reach in as Viren had.</p><p>“They’re very sharp,” the king said, and Roman had almost forgotten he was here. “Like surgical blades.”</p><p>Aaravos looked away from the man in front of him to give him a teasing smile. “You couldn’t resist, could you?”</p><p>Viren glared at him, but there was no heat behind it. “Have you ever seen anything like this?”</p><p>“No.” Aaravos straightened again and took his hand away. Roman almost missed it. “I can sense magic but not any spell that I recognize.” He sounded strangely excited, matching the king’s expression.</p><p>“This is an incredible discovery,” Viren said, speaking with his hands. The men seemed to be ignoring their prisoner now as they spoke, a fond look in the elf’s eyes as the king began to ramble. “A magic even <em> you </em> don’t know. Think how useful it would be if we could replicate it. An army that can’t be killed by starvation, that heals near <em> instantly, </em> that would <em> terrify </em> our enemies—”</p><p>“You can’t.” Roman’s eyes were wide, his fangs hidden again as shock brought him to his senses. Their attention was turned to him now, but he couldn’t bring himself to care, too horrified by what he had heard. “You don’t understand what you’re saying, it would be—you <em> can’t.</em>”</p><p>There was annoyance in the king’s face, but he seemed to be too excited to be truly angry. Aaravos spoke first, moving toward the prisoner again. “If we don’t understand,” he said, “why don’t you explain?”</p><p>“It’s—What I am is - is an abomination. You’d have to—” He stopped himself again, teeth closing with a sharp click as he realized that even explaining how horrible this could be would give them too much information. “You would destroy yourselves.”</p><p>Aaravos laughed, low and quiet but distractingly lovely. “Roman, my dear boy,” he said. “I am the last of the Startouch Elves, born with the power of the cosmos itself. I have mastered every form of magic possible. There is so rarely a mage who can truly surprise me. But <em> you.</em>” Aaravos reached out again, and Roman flinched, not expecting the soft touch as the elf cupped his cheek. “You have something new. You <em> are </em> something new. Teach me this, and I will reward you.”</p><p>It was more tempting than he would like to admit. Roman had traded his pride, his freedom, every part of himself in the past in return for safety or pleasure. He wasn’t even sure which the elf (<em>the god, </em> a voice in his mind whispered) was offering him, but he knew that whatever it was would be so much better than this cold cell and threats of starvation. But. The information they wanted could destroy so many.</p><p>Roman forcefully swallowed his temptation, avoided the archmage’s eyes, and shook his head.</p><p>Aaravos sighed and stroked the young man’s cheek with his thumb. “How unfortunate,” he said, sounding genuinely disappointed. “I would like to be kind to you, Roman. I hope you will still consider accepting my friendship after today.” He stepped away, and Roman felt his heart sink as the elf looked at the king. “Do you have any requests?”</p><p>Viren was glaring at his prisoner, the heat in his eyes enough to burn through whatever pride he felt in denying them. “I’m sure starvation would make him speak,” the king spat. “Isn’t it <em> terribly </em> painful, you said? How long would it take to break you?”</p><p>Roman looked away, his heart racing. <em> A day, maybe two </em>was the answer he wouldn’t give. The blood he was given had stalled the hunger for the night, but his body was already starting to ache again. The intense pain would come soon, probably less than twenty-four hours away now.</p><p>“A good plan,” Aaravos said, moving to stand behind the king now. He lowered his voice, but it still carried across the room. “But a bit <em> slow</em>, wouldn’t you say? It would be wise to find a faster way, considering that there may be more behind him.”</p><p>Viren scowled, but he was listening. “What would you suggest?”</p><p>“A spell.” The archmage’s eyes flicked to their prisoner. “The young and brave often resist even through physical pain but are less equipped to fight the psychological.” He seemed to be speaking to Roman more than his king, never breaking eye contact. “It may only take moments to make him <em> fully </em> cooperative, but there is a small chance it may also break him entirely. It is up to you, King Viren.”</p><p>They were both watching him. Roman looked away and tried not to show his fear, keeping his shaking hands pressed to his lap so they didn’t rattle his chains.</p><p>“Do it,” Viren said.</p><p>Aaravos lifted a hand as his eyes and fingertips began to glow, leaving a shimmering light as he drew a strange symbol in the air. “<em>Vul hahdrim,</em>” he said, and Roman felt the burst of magic in the air.</p><p>At first, nothing changed. He was confused until he saw the shadows of the room moving slowly across the ground, gathering just in front of the door. Slowly, it began to form into a humanoid shape, twisting into something solid, something with color. Aaravos said something, but Roman couldn’t hear him, couldn’t tear his eyes away from the man standing in front of him.</p><p>
  <em> “Roman!” </em>
</p><p>He couldn’t breathe. The shadows still clung, but they were slowly fading. Roman couldn’t smell him, couldn’t hear a heartbeat, but it didn’t matter. He hadn’t taken a breath since he recognized that face, the cruel smirk and dead eyes, and he couldn’t see anything else anymore.</p><p>
  <em> “Got yourself in trouble again, huh?” </em>
</p><p>It wasn’t real. Roman repeated the thought in his head like a mantra, desperately hanging on. Abruptly though, he couldn’t remember how he knew that. He couldn’t remember anymore what had started this or where his nightmare had come from, his mind so foggy that he couldn’t think. All he remembered was pain, blood on his tongue, so much <em> screaming</em>. The man took a step toward him, and he forced air into his lungs, unable to even struggle. He could only hold himself perfectly still, hoping to avoid his attention. Maybe if he was still and quiet, maybe if he held his breath—</p><p><em> “I bet you want to come back </em> <b> <em>home</em> </b> <em> now.” </em></p><p>Terror gripped Roman, and he slammed his eyes shut. It didn’t matter—the monster was still in front of him. It didn’t matter how he struggled, finally giving into the temptation to run but still unable to escape, even turning his head didn’t stop him from seeing the man in front of him. “<em> No. </em>” The word tore from him, and his voice didn’t sound like his own, pitched high with panic and desperation.</p><p><em> “No? But we had so much </em> <b> <em>fun</em> </b> <em> together. Don’t you remember?” </em></p><p>“No no no, <em> please</em>.” He knew begging wouldn’t help, it never did, but he couldn’t stop now, barely hearing himself over his own erratic heartbeat. “Please, I don’t—I <em> can't, </em> don’t make me—”</p><p><em> “It’s okay, Roman.” </em> The man was close now, standing just in front of him, still smiling. <em> “I can remind you. It’ll be like you never left.” </em></p><p>“No!” Roman couldn’t fight this, couldn’t escape. He was trapped in this darkness, a void with nothing but himself held in place and the nightmare standing too close, reaching for him now. A hand touched his face, and he flinched, trying to twist away but held firm by restraints he couldn’t feel.</p><p>
  <em> “But then, you did leave, didn’t you?” </em>
</p><p>He froze, panting, fear filling his chest like arctic water.</p><p><em> “You ran away from </em> <b> <em>me</em></b><em>.” </em> He looked down, too close, his face inches from his victim’s. <em> “I won’t let you leave again. You can’t </em> <b> <em>run</em> </b> <em> if you can’t </em> <b> <em>stand</em></b><em>.” </em></p><p>“No.” Barely a whisper.</p><p><em> “Yes. You will stay with me— </em> <b> <em>forever</em> </b> <em> —even if I have to cut you into pieces.” </em></p><p>Roman couldn’t hold back a sob. He couldn’t even shake his head, and he didn’t think he had been restrained so fully a moment ago, but he couldn’t <em> remember. </em> All he could remember was this. “No, no, <em> please </em> . I won’t run again, I—I’ll be <em> good, </em> I swear I’ll be good, I’ll do anything you say, please don’t— <em> please</em>.” He poured all his desperation into the last word, staring up into dead eyes that showed him not an ounce of sympathy.</p><p>The man smiled. There was a knife in his hand. Roman <em> screamed</em>.</p><p>Eventually, after what seemed like an eternity, Roman began to feel his own body again. Stuttered, gasping breaths barely gave him air, his teeth ground together until they ached, his hands gripped tightly in his own hair as he hunched over himself. Even his eyes hurt, pressed so tightly shut. All he could hear was his own heartbeat until, slowly, a low voice began to filter through. He couldn’t understand the words at first, but he focused on the voice. Whatever it was saying, it wasn’t <em> him</em>.</p><p>“...can’t hear me. It’s possible that his mind is lost completely. I did say there was a chance it would break him. How unfortunate.”</p><p>“It doesn’t matter.” Another voice. This one sounded less sure than the first, seeming vaguely nervous. “We can still test his—the body, if not the mind.”</p><p>There was light. Roman had relaxed his eyes enough to see it now. He didn’t try to move from his huddled position yet but slowly, reluctantly, opened his eyes. He was looking down at his own lap, at the chains hanging from his wrists. There were tears dripping down to the metal seat between his legs. He looked past that, still holding himself perfectly still (but trembling violently, he noticed now) to the floor in front of him. Cold stone, candlelight flickering over it. Tall elegant boots in front of him, not the muddy ankle-high shoes (so familiar, he could still feel them pressing down on him) he expected.</p><p>The air on his skin was cold. Someone was still talking.</p><p>“Wait another moment. He appears to be calming down now.”</p><p>“Really? Isn’t that just because you ended the spell? He still looks as if he’s gone mad.”</p><p>“Shh.” The boots moved, and he flinched without thinking. “Roman, can you hear me?”</p><p>That voice was recognizable but not the one still echoing in his mind. The memory was beginning to come back to him. A dungeon, the night sky, a rune drawn in the air… Roman forced his hands to release his own hair, staring at them for a moment before dropping them back into his lap. The light hurt his eyes. He was still crying, he realized, but he didn’t bother trying to stop. When he could finally bring himself to look up, he had to squint to make his eyes focus.</p><p>He remembered this room. He remembered the king (paler now, he thought), and the elf. The night sky. He flinched as he remembered, jerking back to sit up straight in his chair. <em>Aaravos. A spell.</em> <em>It wasn’t real</em>.</p><p>“There you are.” The elf’s voice was very soft. He crouched, somehow making the movement look graceful, and met the prisoner’s eyes. “Try to take deep breaths, Roman. It was only an illusion. Viren, hand me that bottle.”</p><p>There was movement to his left, but Roman couldn’t bring himself to look away from the elf. Aaravos looked regretful, even sympathetic, but it didn’t make him any less terrifying.</p><p>“It’s over now.” His deep voice was still so beautiful, and he used a comforting tone as he took two bottles that were handed to him. He opened one, and Roman instantly recoiled when the smell of blood hit him. It turned his stomach, and he fought the wave of nausea and horror, images flashing through his mind, things he never wanted to see again.</p><p>“Shh, it’s alright.” The smell was gone. Roman realized his eyes were closed and whimpered as he forced them open again. The other bottle Aaravos held was clear, half full of water. He held it to Roman’s lips, making him suddenly aware of how dry his throat was. He drank without hesitation, and the cool water spread through him, the feeling of it in his body making him finally accept that this was real. He was here, not with <em> him, </em> and he had never been so grateful to be chained in a dungeon before.</p><p>The water was gone, and Roman’s vision was clear again. He still flinched when Aaravos touched his face, but the elf only ran a thumb over his cheek, smudging the tears that had slowed but still spilled. “I sincerely apologize.” His voice was still soft, and despite everything, it began to calm the younger man. “The experience can be… more intense for some than others. You are very strong to make it through. There will be no more illusions.”</p><p>“No more?” The first words he had spoken and in another voice that Roman didn’t recognize as his own, soft and vulnerable as a child’s.</p><p>“You have my word.”</p><p>That shouldn't have worked, but Roman felt the tension in his body begin to release. He took a slow breath, still trembling and still terrified but finally beginning to settle. He didn’t know why, but he believed the elf. Slowly, he nodded.</p><p>Viren cleared his throat but looked a little guilty when Roman jumped and turned his head. The expression didn’t last more than a moment, but he still looked a little pale and didn’t meet his prisoner’s eyes. “So?” he said to the archmage. “Can he be questioned, or have you pushed him too far?”</p><p>Aaravos looked at Roman, and there was a tingling sensation when the wet traces of tears disappeared from his skin. “Gently,” the elf said, moving away to stand now. “No threats, no pressure. Have patience with him.”</p><p>Viren nodded, stepping away from the table to change places with Aaravos. He seemed to tower, but he was less frightening than the archmage. “Now,” he said. “Are you ready to tell me what you are?”</p><p>Roman eyes flicked to the elf. There was no anger or threat in his face, but there was also no smile. He dropped his gaze to the floor and nodded. “I’m… cursed,” he said haltingly. His throat felt sore and rough.</p><p>“I’ve never seen a curse like this before.”</p><p>He shook his head. “Not… it’s new.” It was too much to explain when he still felt barely present. “It’s—I don’t—it’s <em> bad. </em> ” He felt himself curling inward again, not all the way over but slumping his shoulders as if he could make himself small enough to disappear. His fingers wrapped into the chains and dug in hard enough to bruise. “I died, they <em> killed me, </em> and—then… it made me strong, but it’s not… controllable.”</p><p>“No?” Viren was speaking patiently, as the elf had told him. “You seem to have control.”</p><p>Roman laughed, a short and sharp burst of sound that was too close to a sob. “No, no, I don’t.”</p><p>“You didn’t bite me. You could have.”</p><p>“You would have starved me, left me here for—forever. Who knows?” He sounded a little hysterical, but it was distant to him now. “I’ve had worse, I could—resist, but a few more days of starving, and I would have done <em> anything</em>.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t have left you here forever,” Viren said, and there was a confused sort of concern in his voice. When Roman looked up, the king was watching him with an expression he dimly recognized from the first moments after the illusion ended, when he still couldn’t believe this was real. It looked strangely like guilt and a sort of dawning horror. “I wouldn’t… You don’t have to worry about that. I won’t starve you.”</p><p>It was a small comfort. Roman wasn’t sure he even believed it. His eyes drifted again over to Aaravos, and then he was looking at a wall as he spoke. “It’s been five years, and I’ve barely learned to control myself when I’m hungry. Anyone you turned would kill before they learned. And they would turn others—there is no controlling the spread. I wouldn’t let—” He looked at the elf again, a sharp glance, and slumped in his chair. “You’d have an army of monsters. Undead, almost unkillable, full of bloodlust and impossible to control. They’d kill your enemies and then your people too.”</p><p>There was silence for a moment, and he hoped it was over. Then, Viren sighed. “Fine,” he said. “We’ll leave that for now. Are there others like you?”</p><p>“No. It’s just me.” Roman pressed a link of the chain between his fingers and contemplated whether it would be thin enough to break if he were at full strength. It wouldn’t do him much good if he <em> did </em> escape, but the feeling of being restrained was bordering on overwhelming now. Even though the illusion had ended, he felt as if he were a moment away from falling back into it.</p><p>“Viren.” Aaravos was silent for a moment, eyes locked with the king, and Roman knew enough about magic to realize they must be speaking telepathically.</p><p>King Viren nodded once and turned toward the door, seeming to break the connection. “Keep an eye on him. I would prefer all of my staff uninjured.”</p><p>“Of course, my king.” The elf waited until the door was closed to turn back to the prisoner. He looked vaguely disappointed when Roman flinched. “I have been given permission to unchain you. You will no longer be kept in a cell.” He retrieved a key from the table. His hands were gentle as he unlocked the chains, carefully prying them from the young man’s tight grip. “No one is going to hurt you now. Can you stand?”</p><p>Roman stood cautiously. His legs shook but held him up, though the elf still held his arm as if he would fall. He didn’t protest as he followed Aaravos out into a hallway he had seen briefly only a few days ago (but it felt like a lifetime now, an eternity spent in an endless void with <em> him). </em> He shivered.</p><p>Aaravos spoke softly to him as they walked, keeping a hand in his and running a thumb over his wrist. It was grounding, calming. “When you’re ready, I will have you fed,” he said. “For now, I’m going to take you to a room where you can rest. No chains. You have nothing to fear now, Roman. I never lie, and I have promised you no more illusions, remember? You will be safe here, I will make sure of it.”</p><p>Roman couldn’t understand why he believed the elf so fully, but he was too tired to question it now. He couldn’t think of much, barely noticing the world around them as they walked. His world had narrowed to starry skin, a soothing voice, and a warm hand holding his.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter title from "bury a friend" by billie eilish<br/>"Vul hahdrim" means "dark/hopeless mind," and i took it from a random draconic translator (thuum.org/translator.php) because the only thing i could find about the language used in tdp is that it's draconic. if canon doesn't provide (or if i'm bad at research), i'll make up how magic works as i go.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. laced upon your lips</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>time for aftercare!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Roman woke in a bed, curled on his side with a soft blanket pulled tightly over his head. He didn’t remember coming here or laying down, but everything that had happened came back to him quickly. The blanket abruptly felt suffocating, and he quickly shoved it off, relieved to see that the sun was up and he wasn’t still in the dark.</p><p>The room around him was like nothing he had seen before. He was in a soft bed that could have fit at least six people. A huge fireplace was against one wall, just in front of a sitting area and bookshelves that lined the rest of the wall on either side. It could be a king’s room. A canopy of shimmery blue curtains, dotted with something that he thought might be gemstones and tied back to the posts of the bed, made him remember someone else. But would Aaravos really put a prisoner in his own bed? It didn’t seem very likely, but then, none of this really did.</p><p>Cautiously, Roman crawled out of the bed, but he wasn’t sure what to do with himself once he was standing. He very briefly considered finding an exit and running before banishing the thought. Strangely, he still believed the elf told the truth about not showing him any more illusions. Though that didn’t mean he had no other way to provide a fate worse than death.</p><p>Now that he was rested and fully awake, Roman thought about what had happened. The spell had shown him his worst nightmare, but more than that, he had felt his mind <em> break </em> . He knew from listening to the elf that he might not have come back if he had been any weaker. <em> Or if he hadn’t released the spell in time? If he hadn’t released it at all. If he had just left me there, in the void, not alone, never alone— </em></p><p>“Roman.”</p><p>He jumped. When did Aaravos come in? How did he get so close? Was he always this tall? Roman realized he was gripping one post of the bed so hard that the wood creaked. He released it and stared at the place where his hand had been, the splintering of the wood. “Um. Sorry, I didn’t…”</p><p>“It’s alright.” Aaravos reached out slowly, letting the young man see him coming before he placed a hand on his shoulder, his touch comfortably warm. “I’m relieved to see you up. Do you think you can drink now?”</p><p>Roman hesitated. Just the smell had turned his stomach before, and he still didn’t feel quite… settled. “I don’t know,” he said finally.</p><p>“Take your time.” His hand moved down, stroking his arm until it reached his hand. Aaravos took it and tugged gently, pulling him to the couches in front of the fire and guiding him to sit down. There was a clear bottle on the short table in front of him, filled with blood. Aaravos picked it up and sat beside him but didn’t hold it out yet. “You can have as much as you want, as soon as you’re ready.”</p><p>Roman looked at the bottle and willed his stomach to relax. His body felt tight, painful with starvation, but his mind screamed at him that he couldn’t allow blood on his tongue, not again, not <em> ever </em> again. He swallowed the phantom taste and slowly reached out.</p><p>Aaravos met him halfway, letting him take the bottle. Roman was still shaking, so the elf covered his hand with one of his own, not leading but helping him to hold it steady. Roman opened the bottle and recoiled when the smell hit him. It made him sick and made him ache with need in the same moment, and he felt his fangs sharpen as the light in the room seemed to become brighter, everything in sharper focus. He lifted the bottle and barely had a taste before he had to pull it away again, shuddering. He whimpered, and a warm, starry hand touched his face, pushing his hair back. It brought a shaky sigh from him, and he leaned forward, encouraging or asking for more. Either way, the elf indulged him, now stroking his hair.</p><p>“Can you tell me what you need?” Aaravos asked, and his voice was just as soft now as it had been when the nightmare first ended.</p><p>“I don’t…” Roman stared at the bottle for a moment before looking up. The elf was watching him, patient and understanding. He looked away again. “Maybe… maybe if it was warm. Like…”</p><p>“Ah, of course.” Aaravos touched the bottle, and it began to heat up under his fingers. Roman was almost afraid it would burn him, but it settled on a temperature that he recognized. Body warm. This time, he was able to drink more than a mouthful, focusing on Aaravos in front of him and the warm hand still covering his own.</p><p>When the bottle was empty, the elf took it from his hands. Roman felt his body relax, already feeling better, closer to something living. He wasn’t full, but he didn’t feel quite so cold and sore. He took a deep breath.</p><p>“Very good,” Aaravos said. “You may have more if you wish.”</p><p>Roman shook his head, ignoring the thought that he should take as much as he was offered now in case they locked him away again. Back in that small, cold cell, nearly completely dark when he was alone, he would be weak against his own mind. If he kept his strength, maybe he could fight it back, he told himself. He didn’t really believe it.</p><p>Aaravos hummed and resumed stroking his hair. There was no bottle in his lap this time, and Roman leaned toward him until the elf shifted to sit closer. Aaravos wrapped an arm around him, and he didn’t think before leaning into the embrace. The tension left with him a shuddering breath as his head fell to rest on the elf’s shoulder, as if the strings holding him up had been cut.</p><p>“Sorry,” he mumbled, unsure exactly what he was apologizing for but feeling it necessary in the moment.</p><p>Aaravos shushed him, brushing his hair back and holding him close. It didn’t seem to bother him, even when Roman clung to the short cape around his shoulders, creasing the smooth fabric. “I am perfectly happy comforting you,” he said. “But I am surprised you accept it, considering what I did.”</p><p>“Said you wouldn’t do it again.” Roman’s voice was quiet. He knew Aaravos was right, and he shouldn’t be accepting this so easily, but… He couldn’t close his eyes without remembering, but he could ignore that right now because he could see the elf’s skin up close for the first time. The stars didn’t blur, even with his eyes so close to them now, confirming that they weren’t just very pretty markings but somehow faraway heavenly bodies. This close, all he could see was the night sky, as if a piece of it had been carved out and put in front of him.</p><p>“True. But you have no reason to trust me yet.”</p><p>“You’re taking care of me.” He looked up and found the night sky watching him, a thought that made him wonder if maybe his mind was not as settled as he had thought. “You could have left me down there.”</p><p>“I wouldn’t.” Aaravos studied his face and smiled at whatever he saw there. “You like my stars.”</p><p>Roman felt his cheeks warm, a faint blush that would have been darker if he had more blood in his system. He didn’t resist when the elf took his hand, raising it up to his face. Roman’s eyes widened as Aaravos guided his fingers to touch the bright diamonds over his cheekbones. They felt warmer than the indigo skin around them. Roman didn’t realize he was moving on his own at first, touching the other stars scattered like shining freckles across his cheeks and over the bridge of his nose. He met the elf’s eyes with a start and tried to pull his hand away.</p><p>Aaravos held on, not tight enough that he couldn’t escape if he resisted but encouraging him to wait. He guided the young man’s hand to cup his cheek, smiling when he heard the shaky exhale that followed. “I knew you thought me beautiful as soon as you saw me,” he said, not sounding arrogant or even teasing. It was simply a fact. “You wanted to touch me then.”</p><p>Roman’s face was burning, but he didn’t try to pull away or deny the obvious. He moved his thumb to stroke featherlight over the elf’s cheekbone, and Aaravos sighed and leaned into his hand, closing his eyes. Roman felt… powerful, in a way. To make this beautiful creature enjoy his touch, even if it may not last. He was sure the elf could feel his fingers trembling.</p><p>Aaravos opened his eyes, and they seemed to shine with his quiet pleasure, another sigh drifting from him before he turned to press a kiss to the young man’s palm. “Sweet boy,” he murmured. “You may touch me whenever you wish.” He met Roman’s eyes, and his smile now was like the first, when he had entered the cell and caught the prisoner staring at him. “As long as you keep looking at me like that.”</p><p>Roman wasn’t sure what the elf saw, but he could only guess his amazement showed. He swallowed and offered a small, cautious smile of his own. “You… you are really beautiful,” he admitted.</p><p>Aaravos looked delighted, whether from the compliment or his smile, he couldn’t tell. “I do believe you need more rest first though,” the elf said. He extricated himself so gracefully, pressing another kiss to the young man’s hand before letting go of him entirely. “More blood, I should think, and a bath. Then sleep, if you wish. Does that sound good to you?”</p><p>Roman nodded. Now that the elf had released him, he wondered at how relaxed he had become. He hadn’t thought at all of what happened yesterday since Aaravos began touching him. Briefly, he wondered if there was magic at work but couldn’t find it in himself to care. What did it matter if the elf used magic on him? As long as it was like this, he wouldn’t mind.</p><p>Aaravos took his hand again and led him through a door into a connected bathroom. It was just as lavish as the bedroom and not much smaller. The bath was not a tub but more of a pool carved into the marble floor. It was already full, and he could feel the warmth as the elf led him closer.</p><p>“Would you like me to stay?” Aaravos asked, his voice low and close to the other man’s ear.</p><p>Roman shivered, his mouth suddenly dry. “I, um… maybe next time?” he said because some time alone to gather himself sounded nice, but he abruptly realized that he couldn’t imagine saying no to the elf outright. Still, a no might have been better; he felt his face heat again when Aaravos chuckled.</p><p>He didn’t seem to mind though, squeezing Roman’s hand lightly before he let go. “I left a towel and change of clothes for you there,” he said, gesturing toward a counter across the room. “Everything else you should need is beside the bath, but I will be in the next room if you require anything.”</p><p>There was something in the way he said the last word that made something in Roman’s stomach tighten, but he nodded and watched the elf leave without a word.</p><p>The bath was lovely. Almost too warm, the water smelled faintly of something that he couldn’t name, fresh with a hint of sweetness. There were all kinds of soaps and bathing tools that he slowly sorted through as he relaxed in the water. These must belong to Aaravos, but he only felt a little nervous about using them, encouraged by the elf himself. When was the last time he was even in a real bath?</p><p>Roman spent longer in the warm water than he needed to, letting it soak into him. The temperature didn’t seem to change, no matter how long he stayed, through some magic that he could feel but not understand. The cell had been cold, and he had been too empty to keep warm on his own, but <em> finally, </em>he felt heat reach all the way down to the center of his chest. It loosened something he hadn’t noticed was tense, and he was reluctant to leave. </p><p>What would even happen when he did? More blood and rest, Aaravos had told him, but then what? He was only released from the cell because they had nearly <em> broken his mind </em> (don't think about it, he told himself sternly). Who knew how long they would let him have this? Aaravos had offered friendship before, but he had been uncooperative and now… Well, now he would drop to his knees and kiss the king’s boots if it meant he would never have to experience that horror again.</p><p>Maybe he would have done that for less too, but.</p><p>Finally, Roman pulled himself out of the bath. He dried off with a large, fluffy towel, spending extra time on his hair. It was already thick, and his undercut had been growing out over the past few months while he avoided cutting it. It fell into his eyes now no matter what he did, loose black curls constantly cutting into his vision. He didn’t mind too much, but he spent some time opening drawers to find a razor for the stubble that had started to grow unevenly on his face.</p><p>As problems went, it was one of his smallest, but he was still annoyed that he had to have a nineteen-year-old body forever. Maybe he would be able to grow facial hair if he had been allowed to keep developing.</p><p>Roman picked up the clothes the elf had left him, a simple tunic and leggings. They were soft and dark colored, a blue that was almost black. He slipped them on and reached for the belt, pausing when he realized that it was the same color but sparkling in the light. This must belong to Aaravos, unless star designs were simply a part of the decor here. The clothes were too small to belong to the elf, at least, which made him feel a little less strange about the belt.</p><p>When Roman stepped into the bedroom, closing the door gently behind him, he found that the elf had waited as he said he would. More surprising was the king sitting in one of the armchairs that faced the couch where the archmage lounged, relaxed and leaning against one of the arms with a glass of something pink in one hand.</p><p>Aaravos looked up at the same time Viren did, tilting his head to see behind himself. “Roman,” he said, and his voice was warm. “Come sit with me.”</p><p>Roman felt tense in the king’s presence, but he didn’t argue, moving to sit beside the elf with what he hoped was no visible hesitation. He didn’t want to make eye contact with either of them, but Aaravos’s hand took his, draining some of his tension immediately.</p><p>“Viren came by to check on you,” the elf said. “He was quite concerned for your wellbeing.”</p><p>The king’s eyes narrowed, but he didn’t look truly angry even when the mage grinned mischievously at him. “Yes, well,” he began. “I would hate to think that I allowed a prisoner under my care to lose his mind completely. And…” He cleared his throat, and the guilt in his expression was carefully covered but not fully hidden. “You didn’t look well yesterday. I trust you’re feeling better?”</p><p>Roman nodded, but Aaravos hummed thoughtfully. “It will be another day or so, at least, before he is fully recovered,” he said. His eyes flicked to the king, something passing between them that the younger man couldn’t understand. “He will need to rest before answering any more questions.”</p><p>Viren sighed, and it made Roman wince. “I could, um… I mean, I feel fine,” he said, looking toward the elf as if asking permission.</p><p>Surprisingly, it was the king who shook his head. “If Aaravos says that you need rest, he is correct,” he said. “It was his spell, after all. He would know the effects.”</p><p>That made sense, and Roman wasn’t exactly <em> eager </em> to be interrogated anymore. He would like to avoid it as long as possible but feared making the king angry again. Aaravos may have cast the spell, but Viren gave the order. Maybe that was why he was so much more comfortable with Aaravos. That, and the way he kept touching Roman, handling him as if he were a precious thing. He couldn’t remember the last time someone had touched him that way, if anyone ever had.</p><p>“If you can be trusted not to run, I will arrange a room for you.”</p><p>“I won’t try to run,” Roman said quickly, the words unintentionally echoing his pleas the day before. By the uncomfortable look on the king’s face, it seemed he remembered as well. Aaravos squeezed his hand gently, and he was able to swallow the memory before it fully reached him.</p><p>“He won’t, but a room will not be necessary,” Aaravos said. “It will be best if he isn’t alone for the next few days. I would prefer him here, where I can watch him to be sure there are no lasting side effects. If you have no objections, my king?”</p><p>Roman watched the elf as he spoke, gaze straying to his stars even as he listened closely. There was the same feeling of command that he had noticed before from Aaravos, even as he spoke to the king, and he wondered if that was because of his position as archmage (not that Roman knew what that meant, exactly, but it sounded important) or simply the power he wielded.</p><p>Viren seemed to notice it too, if the annoyed glance he gave the elf was any indication. But he would have to admit the logic was sound. “Fine,” he said. “But do bring him to me as soon as you deem him ready for questioning. It’s starting to sound like my plan would have worked faster.”</p><p>“Mm, perhaps.” Aaravos took a sip of his drink and looked perfectly content with the choices he had made. “But physical pain is something that one can learn to fight through—or lie to stop. You wouldn’t know whether the things he said were true in a state of frenzied desperation. Now, you may be sure.”</p><p>The king seemed to understand, but Roman wasn’t sure he did. Maybe the elf would explain it to him if he asked, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to be told what about the horror he experienced made them sure he would tell the truth. Except, as he thought about it, he had seen Aaravos use some kind of mental power twice now—once to speak to the king and once to create a nightmare that stayed even when Roman closed his eyes. Who could say what else the elf could do with that power?</p><p>Viren and the archmage talked for a little longer, but none of it was addressed to or about Roman. When Aaravos began to play with his hair again, he relaxed with a sigh and found himself no longer listening to their conversation at all. He leaned into the touch and let his mind drift, eyes still open (because he couldn’t bring himself to close them) but not focused on anything. He only noticed when they stopped talking because the elf’s hand stopped moving, finally prompting him to look up.</p><p>Aaravos gave him  a smirk and glanced over at Viren as he looked up. The king was watching them, seeming puzzled. There was nothing negative in his expression, but his confused frown still made Roman nervous.</p><p>“Did you cast some charm on him?” Viren asked.</p><p>The elf laughed. “Is it so mystifying to you that another human would enjoy my company?” His tone was teasing, and the other man huffed in irritation.</p><p>“It is when you’re his jailer.”</p><p>Roman considered that. He was mostly certain there was no magic cast on him, aware of his own attraction, his need for comfort, and his loneliness over the past six months (or even longer, he thought). Aaravos offered gentle touch and care, <em> kindness, </em> and it would likely last longer than any spell. Maybe it was ingenious; Roman was too far gone to care.</p><p>“It is no spell, my king. Your prisoner finds me <em> beautiful. </em> He said it himself.”</p><p>“Oh, is that what this is about?” Viren hardly glanced at the younger man, ignoring his stuttered attempt at an excuse as he focused fully on the mage. “He appeals to your vanity, and you find yourself with a new pet.”</p><p>Aaravos smiled. “Are you jealous?” he asked, and Roman noticed it wasn’t a denial.</p><p>Neither was the king’s glare or the quickening of his pulse. Roman wondered if he was the only one in the room who could hear it or if the elf had strong hearing to match his pointed ears. “Jealous?” Viren said. “I feel sorry for the poor boy. No one deserves to see how <em> unbearably </em> smug you become when someone strokes your ego.”</p><p>“If you would rather be the one stroking my ego, my king, all you need to do is ask.”</p><p>Viren’s eyes widened, and there was a genuine blush dusting his cheeks now. Roman didn’t get a chance to stare for long as the man stood abruptly. “Bring him to me when he’s ready to speak, <em> elf, </em>” he said, the word thrown out like a barb that didn’t seem to touch the person it was directed at.</p><p>Aaravos laughed as the king left, not bothering to wait until the door was closed behind him. “Nothing to worry about,” he said, amusement still shining in his bright grin even as he patted the young man’s hand comfortingly. “The king and I often play with each other. It has nothing to do with you, really.”</p><p>Roman nodded. He couldn’t help feeling anxious when the king was angry, but he could tell the conversation wasn’t about him. Their relationship seemed strange, but he didn’t know how to ask <em> Which one of you is really in charge? </em> It wasn’t something he could decide how to phrase without sounding ridiculous or rude. While he was reasonably sure that the elf wouldn’t take offense, it still seemed dangerous to risk it.</p><p>“Would you like to sit with me for a while?” Aaravos asked, surprising him out of his thoughts. “You seemed comfortable earlier when I held you.”</p><p>It hadn’t felt embarrassing in the moment, but the blunt way the elf said it had Roman avoiding eye contact and fidgeting with the loose end of his belt. “I, um—You don’t have to—I mean, I was, but—”</p><p>“It isn’t an imposition. I enjoyed it too.” The elf shifted against the arm of the couch and tugged him closer. Roman could have resisted if he wanted to, but he let himself be pulled in, close enough that their bodies were pressed together. Aaravos held him with an arm around his waist and reached up to stroke his hair back. “Ah, I almost forgot, I said that I would feed you, didn’t I?”</p><p>His mischievous smile was the same he wore when teasing the king, and Roman wasn’t sure what to think of that. “You did,” he agreed. “But I’m fine.”</p><p>“I am sure you would <em> survive </em>, but I would like to see you healthy.” Aaravos considered him for a moment, tracing his fingers down the young man’s face where they came to rest on the edge of his jawline. “Have you ever bit an elf?” The question was so unexpected that it made him freeze, but the archmage was already soothing him. “This isn’t a trap. I only wish to know if it affects you differently.”</p><p>“No, I… I’ve never actually met another elf before.”</p><p>“Mm.” Aaravos stared at his mouth, thoughtful. “I would like to see how my blood would make you feel. Would you be willing to try?”</p><p>Too many reactions ran through Roman’s mind at once. <em> Horror </em> at the idea of daring to bite this beautiful creature, <em> fear </em> when he considered that it must be a trick, and <em> want </em> for a confusing mix of things that he didn’t know how to fit together. His desires seemed to be winning as he released a shaking breath and realized his teeth were too sharp. He hadn’t even realized his other face was showing, and it wasn’t going away as easily as he would like.</p><p>Aaravos laughed quietly, tracing the darkened veins around his eyes. It felt so different from the king’s clinical touch only days earlier. “I admit, I find it adorable how difficult it is for you to decide. Perhaps it will help if I rephrase. Would you be willing to taste my blood <em> for me?” </em></p><p>Something in Roman <em> ached </em> as he listened to the elf’s low voice. Despite the playful tone, he felt that it was almost a reprimand. He couldn’t help thinking that what Aaravos really meant was, <em> You </em> will <em> taste me </em>. Finally, he nodded.</p><p>“Good boy.” <em> Oh. </em> A shiver ran through him, and he thought the elf must have felt it, even if he didn’t react. “You would be willing then. But do you <em> want </em> to taste me?”</p><p>Roman sucked in a sharp breath. He was captivated, unable to move or look away. Aaravos touched a finger to Roman’s lips, and it felt like a spell broke. “<em> Yes, </em> ” he finally managed, and his own voice was rough with need. “Yes, I—Aaravos, <em> please </em>.”</p><p>“Oh, very good. I wish I could indulge you now, but it wouldn’t be wise to give you something powerful without knowing how it would affect you. Another time, when you aren’t so fragile from such a recent and taxing spell, I will allow you. But not now.”</p><p>The disappointment came in a rush that did nothing to dissuade his body. If anything, he only felt more desperate. When the elf leaned in, tugging him close to speak quietly into his ear, he couldn’t hold back a whimper.</p><p>“There are many things I would like to do with you when you are ready. I may keep you here in my bed for a long time.” He turned his head, and they were suddenly so close together, inches apart. Roman could close the distance to kiss him, had enough time to consider it before Aaravos pressed a finger to his lips and grinned. “If it pleases the king, of course.”</p><p>After that, the elf turned to lay back against the arm of the couch, and Roman let himself be guided to lay down with his head on Aaravos’s chest. It made him tense, still trembling and too warm, and anything the elf might have overlooked when there was space between them would be obvious now with their bodies pressed so close together. He couldn’t relax at first, but the elf soothed him with soft words and light touches until he melted into the affection. It took a little longer before his fangs receded and his eyes returned to their usual brown color. When he was fully calmed, Aaravos picked up a second bottle, warming it in his hands before he handed it to Roman. A book floated into the air as Aaravos read with his hands still on the young man, petting his hair and rubbing a palm down his back.</p><p>Roman stayed awake just long enough to drink the full bottle, already unfocused and drifting in warmth as he watched the stars just in front of him shine. He didn’t remember closing his eyes.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter title from "poison" by luhx<br/>also, i made a playlist that i write to if anyone wants it. i'd like to explain my thought process behind every song, but i can't, so in summary, the categories are "Roman deals with trauma" and "Roman is super in love" (+one song i had to add just for Viren).<br/>https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLejYvyma7TgfsI8VknS8d2SnFvR1MQCCN</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. the blood in my veins</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>interrogation time!</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>For the next three days, Roman stayed in the archmage’s room. On the first day, all of his time was spent sleeping, drinking, or cuddling with Aaravos (it wasn’t what he would have expected the first time he saw the elf smirk and size him up with dark eyes, but it was </span>
  <em>
    <span>heavenly,</span>
  </em>
  <span> especially in his current state of mind). The second and third days were much the same, except that he was awake enough to be bored when the elf wasn’t with him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I won’t be gone long,” Aaravos said the first time he left the man alone on the second day. Of course the elf had responsibilities of some kind, but Roman couldn’t help feeling a little bit like he had been abandoned at that moment. The feeling faded quickly, so he could only guess that it was the result of how fragile he had been since the spell.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos directed him to the bookshelves before he left. “Read anything you wish. I can always bring more if there is something you want but can’t find here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The time passed easier when Roman started reading. He had expected to find books about magic and maybe a few other subjects, but the elf’s library was large and varied. He read a little about magic out of curiosity before giving up and moving on to a novel. It helped him relax and gave him something to focus on, which he desperately needed as the hours and days went on. He was restless by the third day and couldn’t focus at all, too aware that it wouldn’t be long now before he was expected to answer more questions. What would the king do to him when he learned the truth? Would Roman be able to avoid explaining anything that wasn’t directly asked of him? He had a feeling the king would see through him easily.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was almost a relief when Aaravos told him it was time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The elf held his hand as they walked through the castle, seemingly unaware or uncaring of the servants who hid their stares with varying levels of success. Roman certainly noticed, the attention making him nervous, but the comfort was too enticing to give up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room Aaravos led him to was relatively small compared to the rest of the castle, a simple sitting room that felt almost comfortable. Roman had to wonder if the elf had picked it out for his sake. He sat on the couch beside Aaravos as they waited and listened to him talk about… something. He wasn’t sure what, but his low voice was soothing. Roman still felt on edge anyway, and all of the tension that might have left him returned instantly when the door opened.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’re late, my king,” Aaravos said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren frowned at him but didn’t rise to his teasing today. He sat down across from them, placing an open journal to the side with a pen laid across the blank page. “Are you ready to answer my questions now?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman carefully pulled his hand out of the elf’s, not looking at him as he nodded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good.” Viren picked up his journal and wrote something down, holding it at the ready now. “You’re an undead being, as you said. You do not produce your own blood, so you take it from others to keep your body functioning. Is that correct?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman fought the urge to squirm in his seat. “I guess that’s—I mean, yes. That’s how it works.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The king continued to write, focused on his journal and not looking up. “Tell me more. How were you… cursed? Created?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A ritual. I don’t remember it very well.” The memories were hazy in his mind, buried in the mix of panic and pain that had burned through him during the entire ordeal. “I know it was… something to do with a sacrifice. A girl, I think. He made me drink her blood and then killed me. I woke up like this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A ritual sacrifice,” Viren said thoughtfully. He looked up, looking at the younger man for the first time since he sat down. “‘He’, you said? Who did this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was where Roman knew he couldn’t give too many details. The more he said, the more the king would ask, and then everything would spill out and ruin his chances of surviving this. “A mage,” he said. “A necromancer, he called himself. I don’t know. I’ve never known much about magic.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What was his name?” It was the first time Aaravos had spoken, and his question cut straight to the dark part of Roman’s mind and memories.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Luca. I think.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You think?” Viren frowned. “You don’t know?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I never knew if it was his real name or not.” Roman looked away, only allowing himself a moment to take a breath. “He never trusted me—or anyone. We weren’t even allowed to use his name anyway.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a pause. “‘We’?” the king repeated.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only me now.” Gods, didn’t want to talk about this. “There were four of us, but the others are dead.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are they? What kills something like you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman winced. He knew he couldn’t avoid answering the king’s questions, but the thought of handing over the key to his own death still made him hesitate. “Fire,” he said after a moment of indecision. “In their case. Beheading or removing the heart would also work. Nothing else will take.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm. So he created four of your kind.” Viren wasn’t writing anymore, now tapping the pen thoughtfully against his thigh as he watched the young man. “What for?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This was it, the question he had been dreading more than any other. Roman folded his arms to keep himself from fidgeting and didn’t meet the king’s eyes. “You heard me when—during that illusion, right?” he said quietly. “That’s how it worked. You heard the things I said.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes,” Aaravos said. He hadn’t reached for the other man again, but his gaze was like a weight on its own. “We could hear what you said but not what you heard.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It was him. So you know that I—left. Ran. I said something about it, didn’t I?” He couldn’t remember all the things he said, only the words spoken to him and that he had begged.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Viren said. “You still haven’t answered my question.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He made us—He wanted us to kill for him. He was looking for power, and he created his own monsters to take it.” Roman was dreading a response, but it wasn’t the one he expected.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That isn’t the full story, is it?” the king said. It might have been less surprising coming from Aaravos, but Viren seemed to see through him just as easily. “Perhaps it wasn’t clear to you, but incomplete answers are the same as lies, Roman.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That brought his head up, and he glanced at each of them quickly before focusing on the king again, cold fear already pouring through him. “I didn’t mean to—No, wait, I…” Half a lie, already out of his mouth before he could stop it. He pressed on quickly before either of them could call it out. “He wanted to be king. Of all the human kingdoms and Xadia too. We were… the first step. Assassins. We were supposed to kill the human rulers.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Are you saying that you were sent here to kill me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Roman looked at the king pleadingly, but there was only suspicion in the man’s eyes. “We were still being trained, but… I couldn’t take it anymore, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to get away from him. I only came to Katolis because I thought he wouldn’t look for me here, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>swear</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You have to believe me, I don’t want to hurt anyone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren didn’t look swayed by his promises or pleading. “And the other three? You said they’re dead. What happened?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman hesitated, and he saw how it made the king angrier with impatience and suspicion. “Does it really matter?” he asked, fighting the fear of not answering to at least stall. “They’re not a threat, they’re—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you must be very comfortable in the elf’s bed, but I can easily have you sent back into your cell if you keep refusing to cooperate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The images flashed through his head. Cold and dark, all alone with his memories, </span>
  <em>
    <span>starving</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He ran a hand through his hair, a nervous habit that he didn’t remember picking up, and spoke in a desperate rush. “I killed them. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to, they were dangerous! And they weren’t—they were awful anyway. Violent and cruel and </span>
  <em>
    <span>awful</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and I couldn’t let him keep them because they would just track me down and drag me back, and then it would be </span>
  <em>
    <span>worse</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His panic was rising, and Viren </span>
  <em>
    <span>still didn’t look convinced</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Roman was going to be executed, he was sure. “You don’t want to hurt anyone,” the king said slowly. “But you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> a killer. Not just out of starvation but premeditated, intentional. As ‘awful’ as they may have been, you still killed them. And you want me to believe this story about running away because you were so afraid of becoming a killer?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, that’s not what I was afraid of.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Then </span>
  <em>
    <span>what?”</span>
  </em>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Him!” Roman was restless, had the urge to get up and pace, but the king already looked angry and combative. Instead, he spoke with his hands, occasionally running fingers through his hair until he was sure it was a mess. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>don't</span>
  </em>
  <span> want to kill anyone, but I didn’t have a choice. I wasn’t afraid of that, I was afraid of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I killed the others, and I thought if I came here, I’d never see him again.” He dropped his head into his hands, helplessness and frustration driving him quickly toward another breakdown. “And look how that turned out! I run off to Katolis, and you put me right back in front of him. There’s no escaping him!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos was silent, but Viren spoke hesitantly. “An illusion,” he said. “It wasn’t real. Aaravos, are you sure his mind is—?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman laughed, short and sharp. “I know what it was,” he said, sitting back to look at the other man again. “But that’s not the point. I’ve been thinking about it since then, and I figured something out.” The look on the king’s face was a mix of confusion and concern that sparked anger for reasons he couldn’t explain. “This… </span>
  <em>
    <span>thing</span>
  </em>
  <span> the past few days.” His eyes flicked to Aaravos, but he couldn’t look for long. “It’s been a taste of a life I don’t get to have. The best I could have had was to be my king’s dog, and now I can’t even have that. I could bring him your head in a basket, and he’d still cut me into pieces.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos was looking at him, he could feel it even without turning his head. “This monster of yours,” the elf said slowly. “You seem quite convinced of his power. That he gives you only two options, to be beneath him or to be hunted by him. Can you think of no other alternative?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman couldn’t help himself from turning to look, wishing he could hold onto his anger. Now he just felt cold and afraid as he looked up at the elf, slowly shaking his head. “What else could I do?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You could ask for help.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Said as if it was so simple, as if Roman could have done it at any time. He glared at the elf, but it only served as an attempt to hide everything else he felt now. “I couldn’t just—Who would help me? Anyone powerful enough would have killed me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dear, silly boy,” Aaravos said with a sigh. He raised one hand, elegantly gesturing to Viren. “You have a king in front of you, listening to your story and caring more for your wellbeing than he would like to show. Ask</span>
  <em>
    <span> him</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman looked between the two of them. It was strangely validating to see Viren looking as surprised as he felt, the man’s eyes wide as he stared at Aaravos.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Only a moment ago, we were discussing whether or not he came here for my head. Now you think I should, what, </span>
  <em>
    <span>adopt </span>
  </em>
  <span>him?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“If that is your wish,” Aaravos said, as if he had no desires of his own in regards to this situation. Maybe he didn’t, though the smirk pulling at the corner of his lips gave the impression that he knew he was about to get something he wanted. “It is your decision, of course. You may execute him, release him back to his fate, or…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Or?” Roman tried to stay out of their conversations when he wasn’t directly included, but this was his life on the line. He couldn’t resist asking for more when the elf teased at the possibility of his continued survival.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos looked at him, then at Viren, seeming very pleased to have their full attention. “Would you like to hear my suggestions, my king?” he asked, and his smile grew when the man agreed. “Roman will need time to recover—from more than just my spell, but after that, he would be an invaluable asset. You may not have the army of undead that you first saw in him, but he is already here. At the least, he would make a very good crown guard. Of course, that is the </span>
  <em>
    <span>least</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You could keep him much closer if you wish.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman didn't know what to think. What the elf suggested didn’t sound so much like </span>
  <em>
    <span>help</span>
  </em>
  <span> as it did another tyrant taking him to use as a killing machine. Before he could sink into that thought, a hand settled on his arm. Even the light touch made him flinch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I am not suggesting an equal trade,” Aaravos said quietly, as if reading his mind. “One evil for another. At his worst, Viren can be cruel. But once past his petty flashes of temper, he is quite fair to those under his rule.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aaravos!” Viren snapped. “You can’t call your king </span>
  <em>
    <span>petty.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No? Should I no longer tell the truth?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You only ever tell half-truths.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah.” Aaravos smiled. “But I do not lie like my king.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are just as much a snake as I am, elf.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman stared at them, confusion pulling at him again. (</span>
  <em>
    <span>If I could stay here</span>
  </em>
  <span>, he thought in a part of his mind that wasn’t afraid to hope for it, </span>
  <em>
    <span>I would never know which one to obey.)</span>
  </em>
  <span> They seemed to have forgotten him for a moment, but it didn’t last long enough. Aaravos waved a hand as if dismissing the argument and turned back to Roman.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now,” the elf said. “Will you ask the king for help?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I… I don’t know.” He looked between the two of them but ultimately focused on Aaravos. “I still don’t know what you’re offering me. If it’s just—if it’s no different—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The elf leaned toward him suddenly and took his hand, raising it to press the palm to his starry face. “The taste of a life you could never have. Isn’t that what you said? I am offering this to you. Do you want it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman stared at him and felt like his heart was going to </span>
  <em>
    <span>break</span>
  </em>
  <span>. This was someone so powerful and above him, offering something he couldn’t even let himself dream of owning. Right there at his fingertips. He found himself nodding before he had even made a decision, never taking his eyes off the elf. “Please,” he said, too quietly. He knew the king wouldn’t hear him, but it didn’t matter because Aaravos did.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Good boy,” the elf said. “You always trust me to tell you the truth. Will you believe me that Viren will be different from your previous master?” He smiled when the man could only nod once again. “Now, you still need to ask the king for his help. I would suggest kneeling. Nothing like what your former master may have required of you. Only kneel and ask politely.” He leaned closer, speaking with amusement, quietly enough that the king wouldn’t hear. “He enjoys being in control, but he also feels the responsibility of those beneath him. Kneel for him, and he will take care of you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman hesitated a moment longer, glancing back at the elf once more before he moved from the couch to his knees in front of the king. The position was too familiar, but when he risked a glance up, Viren’s eyes were dark and focused, not sadistically pleased to have power over him. If Roman were doing anything other than begging for his life, he might have thought a little more about how much he could enjoy this position under different circumstances.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“King Viren.” He dropped his gaze again, unable to look at the man as he risked this. “Will you—please help me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It took a moment for the king to answer. Roman didn’t look up, but he tried to look a little less pathetic. Of course Viren wouldn’t want to help someone like him. Powerful people saw his weakness and only wanted to crush him for it like a child killing ants. Why would this king be any different?</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, alright,” Viren said finally. “You can stay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman looked up, quickly studying the man in front of him. He didn’t see any reason to think it was a trick, but… “Really?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren sighed. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yes,</span>
  </em>
  <span> really. Only because you’re so pathetic that I feel I must.” He looked completely caught off guard when Roman winced, fighting back the abrupt urge to cry at the comment that cut a little too close. “What—I didn’t mean—Oh, calm down.” His words were harsh, but his hand was gentle as he reached down to card his fingers through Roman’s hair. It wasn’t like Aaravos, who touched him as if he were made of glass. Viren wasn’t rough, but he didn’t think any human could be as gentle as the Startouch Elf.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What he means…” Aaravos’s low voice came from behind him, but Roman could hear his grin. “Is that he feels </span>
  <em>
    <span>responsible</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Seeing you so vulnerable makes him want to care for you. A fatherly instinct, perhaps?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren sputtered and glared at him. “This is </span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing </span>
  </em>
  <span>to do with being a father. I wouldn’t treat my own children this way.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I didn’t say you wish to be his parent. Only that you wish to </span>
  <em>
    <span>baby </span>
  </em>
  <span>him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“How dare you mock me, elf? You were the one keeping him chained to your bed these past three days.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aha!” The elf sounded absolutely delighted with his discovery. “You </span>
  <em>
    <span>were</span>
  </em>
  <span> jealous! But of me or him? Oh, is it both?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren growled, and his grip tightened enough to make Roman gasp. They both looked down at him as the king released him, already frowning. “That was unintentional,” he said. “And the elf’s fault.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos laughed. “Your temper gets the best of you, Viren.” He reached down, taking Roman by the hand to pull him back up on the couch. The elf made an exaggerated show of checking his head, brushing through his hair lightly. “After everything we have put the boy through, you decide to try pulling out his hair.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You knew </span>
  <em>
    <span>exactly</span>
  </em>
  <span> what you were doing. You just wanted him to yourself again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh?” Aaravos pulled Roman close against him, leaning down to kiss his cheek. For all that they had touched, it was the first time the elf had kissed him, and it made him skip a breath. “Maybe I will admit to it if you admit to wanting the same.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren huffed. “Maybe I should keep him away from you before you have him talking back and calling me </span>
  <em>
    <span>Viren</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman wasn’t sure he understood what was going on. He had seen them bicker often enough that, while it still confused him, he understood it as part of their relationship. This was different. They had started out with comments about him before, but they had always settled into bickering with each other and ignoring him. Now, their attention was on him, and he wasn’t sure how to react.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>With all the harsh things they said to each other and seemed to brush off, he wasn’t even sure if any of what they said now was meant seriously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Now you’ve scared him,” Aaravos said. He tilted his head to lean in close again, and Roman didn’t think he could ever get used to hearing the elf’s low voice right in his ear. “You know… You seem to be well enough now that we could attempt our experiment. You still want to taste me, don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The room settled into sharp focus, and his fangs extended so quickly that he almost cut himself. He hadn’t done that in years. Even though he had already fed once today, the thought of having the elf’s blood in his mouth was enough to make him suddenly desperate, willing to do nearly anything for a taste.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What did you say?” Viren was sitting up straighter now, glaring at the elf.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos leaned back, nodding to the younger man with a small smirk. “Ask him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That note of command again. It had frightened him, as much as he tried not to show it, when he was kneeling in the cold cell and desperate to survive. Now, only a few days later, it sent a shiver down his spine, adding to the quickly growing need Aaravos had already kindled within him. He was uncomfortably aware of how obvious his own attraction must be to them.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He, um. He wants me to bite him,” Roman said haltingly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren looked confused. “Why?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“As… an experiment?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos laughed when both men looked at him, seeming endlessly amused by the humans he chose to spend his time with. “Roman has never had elf blood before,” he explained. “I would like to see how mine affects him, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>he</span>
  </em>
  <span> would like very much to taste me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t seem to matter how many times the elf said it; Roman shivered once again and nearly whined when Aaravos took his hand back from the younger man’s hair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Oh,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I see. Poor thing.” Viren laughed, and Roman realized he had never heard it before. It was a nice sound, even if it came at his expense. “You’ve been teasing him for days, haven’t you? He’s going to fall apart the second you touch him, at this rate.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perhaps,” Aaravos said. “Does it make you want to take care of him, Viren?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He looks perfectly happy with your attention as it is. I hardly think he wants me involved.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No?” Aaravos looked delighted again, and Roman was beginning to have a consistent </span>
  <em>
    <span>reaction </span>
  </em>
  <span>to that smile. He didn’t know yet if it was terror or lust, but as the elf reached for him, he was leaning toward the latter. Aaravos wrapped an arm around his waist and pulled him close. “What do you think, Roman? Would you like the king to touch you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren interrupted before he could manage to stumble through a response. “I have no interest in </span>
  <em>
    <span>forcing </span>
  </em>
  <span>myself on him, Aaravos.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You wouldn’t be.” Roman almost regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth, the king’s wide eyes and the elf’s smile making him duck his head and fumble for something else to say. “I mean, I do, um…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You want the king to touch you,” Aaravos said.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman nodded, relieved. “Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren didn’t look quite as happy as the elf at this revelation. “Roman,” he said, and there was a stern edge to his tone. “If this is about repayment of some kind—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s not!” He met the king’s eyes only a little reluctantly, shrinking back a little at the stern warning there. “It’s not about that, I really do want you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“All you ever do is stare at the elf.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman glanced between Aaravos and Viren with a frown that he knew was bordering on sulking, but that wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>fair</span>
  </em>
  <span>. “I don’t think—I mean—he’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>made of stars</span>
  </em>
  <span>, Viren!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Oh,</span>
  </em>
  <span> he hadn’t meant to say that. His apology was drowned out by Aaravos’s laughter, not the quiet, breathy sound that Roman was used to but a full, loud laugh that was relentlessly charming. He looked nervously at the king, but Viren was trying in vain to cover a smile with an annoyed glare.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I knew I shouldn’t have left him alone with you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos only laughed harder.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter title from "believer" by imagine dragons<br/>i know every magic user is just called a mage in canon, and i think maybe all dark magic is necromancy? but i'm taking some liberties. it applies more to this guy anyway.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. addicted to my fear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Roman is still waiting for the other shoe to drop.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Roman had never had a room to himself. He had shared with others all his life, if he had somewhere to sleep at all, and now he had his own room in a </span>
  <em>
    <span>castle.</span>
  </em>
  <span> It wasn’t as big or lavish as Aaravos’s (or Viren’s, he supposed, though he hadn’t seen it), but it was still nicer than anywhere he had ever lived before. The bookshelf drew his attention quickly, and the fact that he recognized a lot of the books he had been reading recently told him that Aaravos had stocked it for him. It was nice to think the elf knew what he liked (even though he knew now that Aaravos had definitely seen the romance novels that he had been careful only to read when he was alone—no one else was there when he saw them on the bookshelf, so he would never tell them how he blushed).</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The bed was spacious enough for at least two people with space between them, but still only half the size of the elf’s. It was just as soft though, and Roman thought it would be easy to fall asleep here.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was wrong, of course. Roman had never slept well alone. Even though Aaravos hadn’t slept with him often, he had been happy to lay with the man or at least stay within sight until he fell asleep. It was comfortable to have the elf nearby and watching over him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now that he was alone again, the spacious room felt too small and dark. He tried for a while, but the thought kept coming to him that if he closed his eyes, he would be back in that void. As hard as Roman had found being alone before, it seemed he couldn’t stomach it at all now. When he realized his heart was starting to race as he stared at the dark ceiling above him, he finally lit a candle and found a book to read.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>One night without sleep wouldn’t kill him, especially now that he was fed and not so fragile from the spell. Roman had been sleep-deprived often enough by now that he didn’t even feel tired the next day, though he had more trouble keeping his mind from drifting. It would be distressing if he had nothing to do to distract himself, so he was relieved when Viren sent for him in the late morning.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A servant brought Roman to the king’s office, and he thought about Viren telling Aaravos to keep an eye on him to protect the castle staff. He supposed that having some trust placed should make him happy, but he wasn’t sure he liked the idea. Even with a steady supply of blood (the source of which he still reluctantly wondered about), he didn’t necessarily trust </span>
  <em>
    <span>himself</span>
  </em>
  <span> alone with someone who couldn’t overpower him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Close the door behind you,” Viren said when he entered. He was standing by a desk across the room, leaning over to page through a heavy-looking book, and didn’t look up.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman closed the door and stepped across the room, looking down at the book before he considered that it might not be something he was supposed to be. It didn’t matter much though—whatever language it was in wasn’t one that used even letters he recognized, though there were a few drawings of runes that looked more familiar.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Have a seat,” Viren said, gesturing to the high-backed desk chair, turned to the side to face the king where he stood. “I’d like to learn more about the magic used on you.” The king finally focused on him as he sat down, looking him over briefly. “Aaravos has said you should be past the side effects of his spell, but do tell me if anything is… too distressing for you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman nodded, trying not to show any of the anxiety he felt at even a mention of the subject. Despite how much he had already told the king, he couldn’t get past the fear of letting anyone see the </span>
  <em>
    <span>monster</span>
  </em>
  <span> he had been twisted into.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren turned to face him fully, a small frown that Roman didn’t know how to interpret on his face. “Did you sleep at all?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Oh. He hadn’t considered that the man might see through him so easily. “No. But it’s fine, I don’t need as much sleep anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm. Is this one of the abilities that came with the magic?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m not sure. I didn’t notice when it started. Maybe?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren seemed to accept the answer and turned back to the desk. “I do have several more questions about your abilities and the ritual itself.” He closed the book as he spoke and reached for the same notebook he had used when interrogating Roman. “I will also require more of your blood—and saliva, perhaps, as well as a more thorough study of your teeth. Does it hurt you when they change?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman shook his head. “Sometimes they cut me, when they were new and I didn’t control it as well,” he said. He watched the king write for a moment—longer it would take to only write his answer. “Are you… still going to try to recreate this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. It’s too destructive of a solution, too uncontrolled. But I wish to satisfy my own curiosity and potentially take anything useful I can find. There may be something I can repurpose even if the spell as a whole is too unstable to be used. Ah, wait.” Viren opened a drawer in his desk and pulled out a bottle, handing it to Roman. “I assumed you weren’t fed today because you weren’t with the elf. And you are going to be here for some time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was surprising, but Roman supposed that the king knew he was difficult to work with when he was hungry. The bottle was warm to the touch when he accepted it, and he looked up questioningly as he opened it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s a simple spell to keep the contents at your preferred temperature. Aaravos mentioned the need for it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh. Thank you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren waved a hand dismissively and picked up his notebook again. “Tell me about this ritual. Can you remember anything he used for the spell? Any detail would be important.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t remember much of it,” Roman said. He had taken a few sips from the bottle, but he closed it now and set it aside on the desk. “I know there was a human sacrifice. Something about… her life was in her blood. And he mixed it with something, some kind of powder and… feathers, I think. That was all I could see.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You drank this mixture, and you said that he killed you after that?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman nodded, quickly shoving the memory back when it began to come up. “I don’t remember that part.” It was a lie, and the king most likely knew, but he didn’t press.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What about after you woke up? What happened then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman answered the questions as well as he could, slowly beginning to relax as it became clear that Viren wasn’t going to push the issue when he claimed not to remember something, whether it was true or not. Roman mentioned only vaguely the lack of control he had felt upon waking up after the ritual, but he described what symbols and spell components he had seen with as much detail as he could remember. Viren had a seemingly unending list of questions and wrote constantly as they talked, more than just what Roman said. He guessed by the king’s occasional muttering under his breath that it was mostly theories and notes to check specific sources against what Roman could remember.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Eventually, Viren put his book aside, reaching for a knife and an empty vial. “Would you like me to make a cut, or would you rather do it yourself?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can do it.” Roman took the vial but waved away the knife, instead carefully sinking his fangs into his hand and let the small wound spill into the container. As the flow slowed, the last drop hit the edge instead of making it inside. He didn’t think before licking it off the glass, a quick reaction to prevent a mess rather than any real desire for a taste of his own blood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren was watching him when he looked up, but he didn’t look disgusted as Roman would expect. “What does it taste like to you?” the king asked.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Um. Still like blood. But good, I guess? Like my preferences changed. Is this enough for… whatever you’re doing with it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren took the vial with a nod, corking it and returning it to his desk. “Studying this will allow me to better understand the magic used on you,” he said. “It may also be useful in its own right. You are a magical being, after all.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A magical being?” Roman had never thought of himself that way. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Aaravos</span>
  </em>
  <span> was a magical being. Roman was a monster.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Magical beings are born connected to a specific Primal Source. You were </span>
  <em>
    <span>reborn</span>
  </em>
  <span> with a connection to dark magic. You take life and remake it into your own power. It should work similarly.” It didn’t sound at all like a good thing, but the king sounded </span>
  <em>
    <span>fascinated</span>
  </em>
  <span>, even excited, as he explained his theory. “Now, show me your teeth, please. I’d like to see how they extend.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman opened his mouth, letting Viren take his chin and study him as his fangs extended. The king hummed thoughtfully, releasing him to write something in his book.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, there are more limitations to taking a magical creature’s power while keeping them alive,” Viren said, seeming to be mostly speaking to himself. “This would be much easier if I could take more parts.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He continued to write for a moment as Roman watched thoughtfully. “They do grow back,” he said, and the scratching of the quill stopped. “If you want to take one, I mean.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren frowned, looking down at him for a moment before he spoke slowly. “Perhaps. Every part of you I could take would be helpful.” He reached for Roman again, encouraging him to tilt his head back with a hand under his chin. “Of course, some things are worth more than others. Anything directly connected to your lifeforce will have more use as a spell component. Blood isn’t the only thing that holds the essence of life.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman knew for sure that he was blushing when he saw the king’s smirk. He fought the urge to break eye contact, only halfway managing to swallow his nerves. “You can take anything you want from me,” he said, distantly pleased by how steady he sounded.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren’s eyes darkened. He shifted his hold to touch the younger man’s bottom lip with his thumb, looking down at him with an expression that Roman could only think to describe as </span>
  <em>
    <span>regal</span>
  </em>
  <span>. Viren knew he deserved the power he held, and Roman was more than willing to bend to him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sound of the door being </span>
  <em>
    <span>forcefully</span>
  </em>
  <span> thrown open made both of them jump, and Roman pulled away instinctively, leaning back in his seat. A girl stormed into the room, already ranting before she crossed the threshold. “Dad, you have to tell Soren he can’t just—Oh, hi! Who’s this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren cleared his throat, turning away to pick up his notebook. His back was to the girl, but Roman could see him in profile, along with the pink coloring his cheeks. “This is Roman,” he said as he gathered himself. “I told you about him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You did? Oh! Is he the one with the mystery healing ability?” She didn’t wait for him to answer before bouncing over to the other man, her enthusiasm and upbeat attitude a little alarming. “How did you do it? Can you do dark magic with just your mind? Ooh, or is it someone else casting a spell through you? That’s a possibility, isn’t it? Aaravos can do something like that with Dad.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s, uh—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Claudia, he already answered all of these questions,” Viren said sternly. “You can read my notes—</span>
  <em>
    <span>later</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aw, why can’t I just ask? He’s right here! And I’m a mage too!” Claudia turned to Roman. “You don’t mind, right? I only have a </span>
  <em>
    <span>few</span>
  </em>
  <span> questions.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A few </span>
  <em>
    <span>thousand</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” her father said with an eyeroll. “Did you need something, or did you just come to interrupt my work?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Huh? Oh!” As if she had forgotten him completely, the girl’s smile disappeared. “Soren told everyone in the entire </span>
  <em>
    <span>castle</span>
  </em>
  <span> not to teach me sword fighting, and they’re all listening to him because he’s the ‘Crown Prince.’ I'm a princess! They should listen to me too!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He does outrank you,” Viren said, apathetic to his daughter’s plight. “You already know dark magic; why would you even want to know how to use a sword?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I could do both! They’re both useful in different situations. Why does Soren get to learn, and I don’t? Hey, it’s Roman, right? You agree with me, don’t you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman glanced at the king, unsure if he should even be answering but feeling cornered by the girl. It occurred to him that he hadn’t been around a teenager since he </span>
  <em>
    <span>was</span>
  </em>
  <span> one, and he didn’t remember ever knowing someone quite so enthusiastic. “Yes? I mean, knowing how to use a sword </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> useful. You can’t always use magic, right?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Claudia clapped her hands together. “Exactly! You sound like you know from experience.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He nodded. “I was trained to use a lot of different weapons.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, you could teach me!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren sighed, leaning against the desk as if he were suddenly exhausted while he turned to face his daughter. “He isn’t here to be your teacher,” he said impatiently. “Roman is busy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is he?” Claudia looked between the two men and smiled, eyes narrowing worryingly. “Because it </span>
  <em>
    <span>looks</span>
  </em>
  <span> like you’re keeping him here so you can flirt with him.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Claudia!” The king was blushing again, and Roman realized that he found it endearing, despite his own embarrassment. “You know what—fine. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Fine</span>
  </em>
  <span>. He can give you lessons in the future if you leave </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The girl was grinning as she agreed and ran out of the room. Viren waited until the door was closed to sigh heavily, covering his eyes with one hand. Roman gave him a moment before breaking the silence.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She seems nice.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren dropped his hand, frowning at the younger man. “She’s a handful. Truthfully, I don’t care what you teach her,” he said. “Just try not to let her drag you into doing something ridiculous. Claudia is an intelligent girl, but her curiosity gets the better of her.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman smiled slowly. “I wonder where she gets that from.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren laughed and looked a little surprised. At himself or at Roman—the younger man couldn’t be sure. “I suppose you have already seen my reaction to the unknown.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You </span>
  <em>
    <span>did</span>
  </em>
  <span> stick your fingers in my mouth right after finding out I drink blood </span>
  <em>
    <span>and</span>
  </em>
  <span> that I was hungry.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, I did. But you controlled yourself for me, didn’t you?” Viren spoke thoughtfully, his eyes drifting over the younger man’s face, and Roman found himself holding his breath, waiting. “So obedient. I would like to test that further—soon. Once I can trust you to inform me of your limits.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman was too caught up in his own imagination and impatience to understand what the king had said for a moment. He frowned, head tilting slightly as he stared up at the man. “My limits?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Exactly.” He didn’t explain further, but his stern expression faded after a moment when Roman ducked his head, already reaching for an apology despite not understanding what he had done to disappoint the man. “I have enough from you for today. You’re free to explore the castle if you wish—my staff has been informed of your presence and to show you to your destination if you get lost.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman stared at him. “You’re… letting me go alone?” he asked incredulously. “You’re not afraid I’ll hurt someone?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren picked up the warmed bottle of blood and handed it to him with a shrug. “I have seen your control after all, but if you do have such a desire, do try to avoid anyone who would be difficult to replace. Now, run along, I am a busy man.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was another breath before Roman nodded, taking the bottle as he stood to leave. “Thank you,” he said and left quietly when the other man only waved him away. He stood outside the office for a minute, unsure what to do now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The king was joking, wasn’t he? He wouldn’t really forgive the death of an innocent servant, even allow it. Roman didn’t know Viren well enough to say for sure, but it didn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>sound</span>
  </em>
  <span> like a joke.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He didn’t know what to think if it wasn’t.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>~~</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman dragged himself into his room on the third night he would be spending alone. The door was only closed behind him for a moment before someone knocked, too soon for anyone to have walked up the hall without him seeing them. It was strange enough that he wasn’t surprised when he opened the door to see the archmage.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Aaravos. Do you need something?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The elf looked him over and hummed thoughtfully. “I spoke to Viren,” he said. “You are still having trouble sleeping.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman shrugged, strangely embarrassed for someone who had spent several nights in the elf’s bed, giving the archmage a full look at him at his weakest after the spell. Even then, he had at least been able to sleep. It seemed pathetic that he couldn’t handle even two nights alone. “I don’t need as much sleep anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had seemed to work on Viren, but Aaravos’s smile made it clear that he wasn’t just completely unconvinced but also amused by the lie. “You slept every night in my bed. If you were more comfortable, you should have said. I would have let you stay.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman felt his face warm and shook his head. “I can’t just invade your space all the time,” he said, already guessing that it wouldn’t be worth much to the elf. “And I like having my own room. I’ve never—I mean, it’s nice.” Aaravos was smiling with something a little too close to </span>
  <em>
    <span>fondness,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Roman found himself avoiding eye contact.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Hm… Then, I suppose, I will be the one to invade </span>
  <em>
    <span>your</span>
  </em>
  <span> space.” Aaravos didn’t wait for him to reply, stepping around him to enter the room. He waved a hand to banish his own boots and the small amount of fabric on his upper body before he sat on the bed, leaning back against the headboard as if it were his own. “Unless you have any objections?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Several rose to Roman’s mind, but he ignored the weak urge to preserve his pride by protesting the presumption. It would only delay the inevitable, so he shook his head and closed the door. The elf smiled as if he read Roman’s mind and held a hand out to him. Aaravos didn’t have to say a word to bring him forward, drawing him in with just the suggestion of his attention.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman took his hand and let himself be pulled into the bed. He didn’t hesitate to press against the elf’s side, laying his head on his shoulder with a sigh. Aaravos laughed quietly, but Roman couldn’t find it in himself to be embarrassed. He wondered vaguely how it had only taken him such a short time to start craving this—until he felt a hand petting his hair and gave up thinking about anything at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Cute,” Aaravos said, and Roman could hear his smile. “You had a long day, did you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm.” Roman’s eyes threatened to close as the tension melted from him with each pass of warm fingers through his hair, but he fought it, wanting to keep watching the stars. “I met Claudia.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos laughed. “Inquisitive girl, isn’t she?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“She said she’d show me around and then dragged me all over the castle.” He paused, fighting off a yawn. “I swear, she had twice the questions you and the king have asked me </span>
  <em>
    <span>combined</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he said with more of a whine than he intended.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos made a sympathetic noise, but he was grinning when Roman glanced up, not unkind but clearly entertained. “A </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> long day then. I should let you rest.” Despite his words, he didn’t move to lay down. His smile softened as he looked down at Roman, and his voice when he spoke again was lower now. “You’re staring again, Roman.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh.” He blinked, only realizing now that he had been entirely focused on the cluster of stars on the elf’s cheekbones. Roman met his eyes briefly before dropping his gaze again with a cautious smile. “I don’t mean to. You’re just… distracting.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Am I?” Aaravos reached for Roman’s hand and lifted it to his cheek. “Sweet boy,” he said with a sigh.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman stared up at him and couldn’t move, either to pull his hand away or to give in to the urge to run his fingers over the bright stars. </span>
  <em>
    <span>I don’t deserve this.</span>
  </em>
  <span> “I don’t know why you let me touch you,” he said quietly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is it so difficult to believe that I crave your touch as much as you crave mine?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos leaned into Roman’s hand and closed his eyes. “But it is the truth,” he said. “Touch me however you wish, Roman. You can only please me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It didn’t seem possible (or </span>
  <em>
    <span>right)</span>
  </em>
  <span>, but as always seemed to happen when he was offered something he wanted, Roman found himself giving in. He sat up and slowly moved his hand, lightly stroking the elf’s cheek. Emboldened by a quiet, pleased hum, he moved on to touch the long white hair that was falling into Aaravos’s face (it was exactly as soft as he expected) and tucked it behind his ear gently. Roman stilled when he felt the elf shiver, watching entranced as his lips parted on a shaky exhale. He was abruptly overcome with the urge to kiss the beautiful creature.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <em>
    <span>Touch me however you wish,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Aaravos had said. Maybe this was too far, but Roman didn’t let himself think about it for long, letting his hand drift to the back of the elf’s head, carding shaking fingers through his hair. He leaned closer, stubbornly ignoring his own anxiety as he gave in and pressed his lips to the elf’s. He felt the surprised intake of breath but didn’t pull away, thankfully not having to wait long for Aaravos to return the kiss, cupping his cheek to hold him in place. The elf matched the light press of his lips, soft and chaste, and Roman couldn’t work up the courage to try to deepen the kiss, deciding he had used all of his reckless bravery by initiating this at all.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos seemed content to keep going for as long as he liked, but Roman eventually broke away. He only pulled back a few inches, stopped by the elf’s hand on his cheek encouraging him to stay close. He was still trembling, and he knew it must be noticeable, but he couldn’t bring himself to move further.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sweet boy,” Aaravos breathed, and Roman couldn’t stop a quiet, needy sound from escaping him. The elf smiled and indulged him with another kiss, so brief and light that it seemed to be designed to do little more than drive his desperation higher. “You need rest. Come on.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman swallowed his disappointment as Aaravos released him and laid down. He realized how exhausted he was as he followed suit and rested his head on the elf’s chest, closing his eyes to an arm wrapping around him and a blanket settling over his shoulders. Two nights without sleep—how many hours was that spent awake? He was too tired to try figuring it out.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman fell asleep to the sound of Aaravos’s steady heartbeat.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>And woke to his own scream, already slamming a hand over his mouth before he was fully awake. For a moment, he was still there, blood on his tongue and his hands and screams other than his own still echoing in his ears. A hand on Roman’s wrist made him jump, and he realized his eyes were pressed tightly closed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Shh, it’s alright.” A low voice—Aaravos, he realized. The elf still sounded half asleep, but reached out for him anyway. “It was only a dream.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not a dream,” Roman said, sounding strained and panicked. “A memory.” He didn’t know why he corrected Aaravos, but something told him that he </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to. The same urge made him pull away now, finally forcing his eyes open as he avoided the elf’s touch. “I can’t—You shouldn’t be here. I can’t have this, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>can't</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Aaravos answered him calmly, seeming to understand what he meant without question, “You can. I am giving it to you.” He held his arm out, offering his embrace again, and Roman crumpled into it, pressing his face into the elf’s neck with a sob. Aaravos held him tightly, and his warmth spread through Roman’s body, touching the hollow, cold place in his chest that never seemed to go away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman forced a harsh breath into his lungs, holding tightly to the elf as he shook. “Aaravos, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please. </span>
  </em>
  <span>I don’t… You </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> I don’t deserve this.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Do I?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m a </span>
  <em>
    <span>monster!</span>
  </em>
  <span> I’ve killed so many people. I drank their blood, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>liked it</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You can’t say I - I’m not—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Roman.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He closed his mouth sharply, cutting off his own rambling but unable to stop his panicked, sharp breaths. Even Aaravos’s warm hand stroking his hair wasn’t enough to calm him this time.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are not a monster,” the elf said, and Roman couldn’t bring himself to interrupt even to correct him. “You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>human</span>
  </em>
  <span>. You were driven by desperation to kill, felt pleasure when your needs were fulfilled and </span>
  <em>
    <span>power</span>
  </em>
  <span> when their life became yours. Now you feel guilt. All of these feelings are entirely human.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He shook his head, closing his eyes tightly. “I’m not. Not anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No?” Aaravos shifted his hold, nudging Roman back just enough to look into his face. “If you will not believe me about your humanity, then at least believe me that I can love a monster.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman was too shocked to return the kiss pressed to his lips, but it only lasted an instant before the elf was pulling away again. He stared into Aaravos’s face, glowing softly with starlight in the dark room, and saw only sincerity. Roman realized how desperately he wanted to believe and felt himself beginning to calm down, giving into that urge.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“There, now,” Aaravos said, leading him to lay down again. “You are safe here, Roman. Sleep, and I will watch over you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Slowly, Roman relaxed, as the elf continued to pet him and speak comforting words in a low tone. Flashes of memories still played in the dark corners of his mind, so he focused his gaze on the stars, eventually falling asleep without even remembering closing his eyes.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter title from “nightmares” by brother sundance<br/>claudia deserves to learn how to use a sword, i take no criticism on this.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. ‘cause i might break</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Roman doesn’t know what to think anymore.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Claudia was a terrible student. She was full of ideas and questions, constantly trying new “tricks” with the practice sword instead of anything Roman taught her. It was clear she wasn’t listening to him past the first few words of every instruction, and he didn’t know how to handle a teenager, let alone a princess. From seeing how Viren interacted with his daughter, Roman didn’t <em> think </em> he would be executed at her request, but he wasn’t willing to trust that. He may be interesting to study, but she was his daughter.</p><p>It was only their second day of lessons, and he was already contemplating ways to avoid her in the future.</p><p>Claudia lost her grip on a swing that would have gotten her killed in any real battle, and the sword hit her teacher in the shoulder before it clattered to the stone floor. “Oh, I’m sorry! Are you hurt? Aaravos just taught me a healing spell if you—”</p><p>“No.” Roman saw her eyes widen at the growl in his voice and took a deep breath before he spoke again, double checking that his teeth were still short and dull. His shoulder was throbbing, but he resisted the urge to reach for it. “It’s fine. I heal quick, remember?”</p><p>“Oh, right! You still haven’t told me how you do that.”</p><p>“And I’m not going to. Take a break.”</p><p>Claudia pouted at him, and he turned away, trying to ignore her as he walked to the side of the courtyard where they left their things before starting practice. The princess had a bag so full of books and spell components that they were starting to spill out of the sides, a sight that was a little too familiar for comfort. Another memory to bury in the back of his mind—it was getting a bit crowded.</p><p>Roman picked up his bottle and tried not to think about that. After managing to take only a sip this morning and none the day before, he wasn’t sure he could take any more. His body didn’t hurt very much (yet), but the cold in his chest was spreading to the rest of his body. He was paler than usual when he checked a mirror earlier, though he doubted anyone would notice.</p><p>Well, Aaravos would, but Roman didn’t think he’d see him today. When he woke up the morning after the elf came to his room, there had been an uncomfortable feeling in his chest. It drove him out of bed before his companion woke, and he couldn’t drink anything all day. By evening, Roman was hungry and irritable and exhausted.</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t want you here tonight, Aaravos. I want to be alone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “You won’t sleep well alone.” </em>
</p><p>
  <em> “I don’t need you to take care of me! I’m not a child, and I’m not your pet!” </em>
</p><p>Just seeing him made Roman furious for reasons he couldn’t explain, eyes dark and fangs flashing. Aaravos was so tall and standing so close to the threshold of the room Roman was defending that he had to tilt his head almost painfully far back to meet the elf’s eyes. Instinct and fear screamed at him to back down and apologize immediately, but when Aaravos sighed as if he was faced with an unruly child rather than a dangerous, hungry predator, it stirred up enough anger to bury Roman’s anxiety.</p><p>He had pictured biting the elf and wondered how much blood he could take before Aaravos killed him.</p><p>
  <em> “Another time then. When you are through acting like a brat and ready to face your own insecurities like an adult, you may come to see me.” </em>
</p><p>He disappeared before Roman could say another word.</p><p>So he hadn’t slept or taken more than a mouthful of blood in more than twenty-four hours, and when he opened the bottle now, the smell turned his stomach once again. He screwed the lid back on with a sigh and closed his eyes.</p><p>It was fine. He would be fine.</p><p>“Claudia!”</p><p>There was a young man jogging toward them. He didn’t look like one of the castle guards, despite the armor he wore, so shiny it was annoying. Something about his uniform was different than any others he had seen since coming here.</p><p>“Soren,” Claudia said, hands already on her hips as she turned to glare at him. “What are you doing here?”</p><p>“Looking for you! June said she saw you with a sword yesterday, and I know no one would—Wait, who’s this guy?”</p><p>“This is Roman.” The girl looked smiled smugly up at Soren. “Dad told him to train me, so ha! You can’t stop him.”</p><p>Roman scowled when the man glared at him, even as he realized now who this was. Claudia’s brother who had fought against her learning to use a weapon—the Crown Prince. Now that he was watching both of them argue, Roman didn’t see their father in them at all.</p><p>“You don’t <em> need </em> a sword, Clauds!” Soren said. “You have magic; I have a sword. That’s how it works!”</p><p>“Well, now, I have both!”</p><p>“You can’t just have <em> both!” </em></p><p>Roman opened his bottle again, holding his breath as he took a small sip, barely more than a taste. It made him shudder, but he didn’t feel nauseous. That was progress.</p><p>“And why not?” Claudia was standing directly in front of her brother now, tossing her hair back defiantly as she frowned at him.</p><p>“The sword is <em> my </em> thing!” Soren looked like a young man, but he sounded like a child when he whined. That was probably normal when siblings were together. “You get magic! You and Dad and his sparkly elf boyfriend get to—”</p><p><em> Boyfriend? </em> Roman choked on the second careful sip from his bottle and covered his mouth with the back of his hand as he coughed. The arguing had stopped, and both teens were staring at him as he caught his breath again. “Boyfriend?” he finally managed.</p><p>“Yeah,” Soren said, and he looked confused. Maybe that was just his baseline. “Or, I guess, it’s betrothed now, huh?”</p><p>Claudia raised her hand and made a ‘so-so’ gesture. “I think Dad has to actually say yes before it’s official,” she said.</p><p>“He hasn’t?”</p><p>“If he has, he didn’t tell me, but it’s so obvious he wants to. Aaravos will get him to admit to it eventually.”</p><p>Roman stared at them. Now that he thought about it, this would explain the strangeness of the king and the archmage’s relationship. He had also seen them touching each other often, always casual and in passing, but he had assumed that was because Aaravos was such a tactile person. He could remember seeing Viren initiate too though.</p><p>“So where did Dad find this guy anyway?” the prince asked, bringing Roman’s attention back to the present.</p><p>“I told you about him, remember?” Claudia said. “He was a prisoner, but… well, he’s not now, I guess.”</p><p>Soren frowned, looking between them for a moment before something seemed to click, and his confusion changed to shock. “Wait, no. You mean, he’s that weird dark magic guy?”</p><p>“Ouch,” Roman said.</p><p>“You injured seven people!” The prince’s hand was on his sword, his body tense, but he didn’t move to attack. “Why are you just free to wander the castle now?”</p><p>“I asked the same question. The king deemed me safe, I suppose.” A terrible decision but not one he was going to fight. Roman kept his movements slow and obvious as he screwed the lid back on his bottle, watching Soren’s eyes track his every move.</p><p>“It’s okay, Sor-bear,” Claudia said, touching her brother’s arm. He didn’t relax. “You know Dad wouldn’t leave me alone with him if it wasn’t safe.”</p><p>The prince didn’t look away, still prepared for a fight. “What’s in the bottle?”</p><p>“Huh?” Roman had incredible reflexes—they were <em> literally </em> magical. Somehow, he was too surprised to react when Soren snatched the bottle from him, ignoring his sister telling him to stop. By the time he moved to get it back, the prince was <em> holding it over his head. </em>Roman was instantly furious that this boy was taller than him by enough to use it to his advantage—even the sword being drawn to threaten him wasn’t as annoying.</p><p>The lid of the bottle wasn’t fully closed, and the contents sloshed with the sudden movement. Blood spilled from under the lid, and Soren stared at it in horror as it dripped onto his hand. “What the <em> fuck </em>.”</p><p>“Give it back.”</p><p>“You were <em> drinking </em> this!”</p><p>Roman felt his fangs extend, too tired and hungry and <em> angry </em> to try to calm himself. “Give. It. Back.”</p><p>Claudia reached for her brother’s arm. “Soren…”</p><p>The prince finally looked at him, wide-eyed, but instead of complying, he handed the bottle to his sister and raised his sword. This time, Roman’s reflexes were enough. He jumped back, grabbing for his own sword as he went on the defensive. Claudia moved away from them, but he didn’t turn to see where she was going.</p><p>Soren smiled, more of a baring of teeth than anything friendly or amused. “Going to fight me with a practice sword?”</p><p>Oh. Right. Roman hadn’t seen his own sword since his arrest, and the one in his hand now was weak and barely sharp. He ground his teeth and tried not to think about blood. “Trust me, I could kill you just as easily with this as I could with any other sword.” His own smile didn’t feel very nice either. “Or with nothing at all.”</p><p>Soren swung at him again, and it became a vicious sort of dance around the courtyard, metal clashing as the men moved. Roman kept his distance and kept blocking, trying to decide how to end this. He was fast, but he was weakened by hunger; if he tried to run now, he may not make it far. And despite how much he might want to, he certainly couldn’t fight back.</p><p>Another step back, and Roman stumbled. It was a tiny mistake as he caught his balance quickly, but it was enough. Soren’s blade bit deep into his upper arm, and he jerked back before any more damage could be done. The pain reminded him again how unnecessary this fight was, but his anger pushed him <em> forward </em> now, instead of back. Soren looked surprised when he was put on the defensive, and there was a growing panic in his expression as his opponent began to force him back.</p><p>The prince was skilled and well-trained. Roman was older and more practiced, not to mention his supernatural speed. He kept Soren blocking and dodging until with one particularly vicious swing, he sent the boy’s weapon to the ground. It clattered against the stone, but the sound was drowned under a commanding voice ringing across the courtyard.</p><p>“Stop.”</p><p>The king. Abruptly, Roman realized what he was doing and what it would <em> look </em> like he was doing. His sword fell to the ground before he even thought to release it, his cursed face disappearing in an instant as he backed away from the prince.</p><p>Claudia ran across the courtyard to her brother, and Viren followed her. He looked more furious than the younger man had ever seen him, and Roman dropped to his knees so suddenly that he thought he might have bruises.</p><p>“What happened?”</p><p>“He was drinking <em> blood, </em> Dad!” Soren’s voice was high, and he cleared his throat. “He was out here alone with Claudia, and he was <em> drinking blood. </em>”</p><p>“I am aware of his diet,” Viren said. Roman stared at his boots and wondered if he was going to be executed. “What started this?”</p><p>“His face went all… weird, and his voice was… weird! He was going to attack me!”</p><p>“I wasn’t!” Roman looked up now, but the king’s glare made him duck his head quickly again.</p><p>“His eyes <em> did </em> turn black,” Claudia said cautiously. “And he showed his fangs. It looked like he was going to attack. But, um, Soren provoked him. He took that bottle and wouldn’t give it back.”</p><p>“It had <em> blood </em> in it!”</p><p>Viren sighed. “You two, go inside and get cleaned up. Claudia, let me know right away if your brother is injured at all.” His boots turned, fully facing the man on his knees now. “I will take care of this.”</p><p>The teens left quietly, pausing to pick up the prince’s sword and Claudia’s bag before they left the courtyard.</p><p>There was silence for a moment. Roman didn’t dare break it. Then, King Viren’s boots turned away again, beginning to walk across the courtyard. “Follow me. Now.”</p><p>Roman scrambled to his feet and followed a few steps behind the king. The silence between them as they walked was tense. Viren didn’t look back at him once, and the part of him that was always desperate to please was horrified by this entire situation.</p><p>They entered the king’s office, and Viren finally turned to face him, considering him for a moment before he spoke. “On your knees.”</p><p>Roman obeyed, kneeling on the rug without a word. What could he say for himself now?</p><p>“I gave you kindness by allowing you freedom within my home. I trusted you with my own daughter. But it seems that was a rash decision.”</p><p>When Roman’s breath hitched, it wasn’t fear or despair that affected him but anger. The same heat that had driven him to chase away Aaravos and show his fangs to the prince. “Of <em> course </em> it was.” He looked up, feeling slightly vindicated when the king’s eyes widened.</p><p>Viren’s surprise didn’t last more than a moment as his glare returned. “Explain.”</p><p>The command in his voice reminded Roman of the first time he had been on his knees for the king, starving and cold. He remembered being threatened with starvation and execution, but now it only made him furious instead of afraid. “You <em> know </em> what I am,” he snapped. “I even told you I don’t have full control! Don’t blame me for your own stupid mistakes.” He didn’t try to avoid the hand as it grabbed his face, holding his jaw so tightly that it might have left bruises if they wouldn’t heal almost immediately.</p><p>“<em> How dare you, </em> ” Viren hissed, forcing the younger man’s head back to meet his eyes. “ <em> My </em> mistakes? I should throw you back in that cell for daring to even <em> threaten </em> my son.” His fingers dug in when Roman tried to open his mouth, cutting him off. “Claudia told me you were only defending yourself, but I <em> saw you, </em> Roman. I saw you put a blade to my boy’s throat. I should have you <em> executed </em>.”</p><p>Roman wrenched his head from the man’s grip, almost yelling now. “Then why haven’t you? Just <em> do it </em>already, and get it over with!”</p><p>“Or perhaps I should have Aaravos show you an illusion. That seemed to make you more agreeable the first time.”</p><p><em> That </em> was an entirely different kind of threat. Starvation and even death were nothing in comparison to being trapped in his own broken mind again. Roman stared up at the king as his anger faded, not gone but buried by a wave fear. “ <em> No </em> .” His voice came out quieter than he expected. “Please, I… I can't take it, I’ll do <em> anything, </em> just <em> please </em>not again.”</p><p>Viren frowned, and that was enough to make Roman hang his head again, trying to think of anything that might save him from this. “That’s enough,” the king said, and he flinched. “There will be no illusion or execution, but you will not be left alone with my children again. You will only leave your room when Aaravos or I are with you. Do you understand?”</p><p>“Yes, your majesty.”</p><p>There was a pause and then a quiet sigh. A hand touched his hair, and Roman flinched, pulling away. It was a small act of defiance, too small for the fear it caused him, but he didn’t want to be touched. He didn’t want the king to try to comfort him, not after what he had threatened.</p><p>“Roman, I’m not going to hurt you.”</p><p>He didn’t pull away this time when Viren touched his chin, lifting his head gently this time. He kept his expression carefully neutral and didn’t meet the king’s eyes, waiting silently for instruction. A thumb stroked his cheek, and Roman clenched his fists and didn't say a word.</p><p>Viren sighed again and released him. “I will have someone take you to your room,” he said. “And send a bottle along with you. Maybe when you aren’t so hungry, we can discuss this again.”</p><p>So many desperate thoughts raced through Roman’s mind. He should beg for forgiveness, demand to be released, tell Viren he would rather be in the cell than the warm room that made him itch to run away. He tasted the words on his tongue, but they never made it past his lips.</p><p>“Thank you, your majesty.”</p><p>~~</p><p>Aaravos didn’t come to see him that night. It was what Roman expected, but there was still a hollow sort of ache in his chest as he sat alone on the soft bed, staring at the shadows as they lengthened into full darkness, a small candle beside him the only light. The feeling was familiar in a way, giving him a lot to consider.</p><p>It reminded Roman of <em> him. </em>As Luca showed him less and less kindness over the years, the ache in his chest grew stronger. Eventually, he thought the mage only gave him any affection to make him hurt that much more when it was taken away. A brief respite to heighten the senses and build the anticipation. Luca had always been a quick study, and he had years to find the best way to hurt his favorite abomination.</p><p>In comparison, Viren had done so little. A few days in a cell was nothing, especially when the king treated him with… dignity, Roman thought. Certainly more than Luca had ever given him. He could have been beaten or intentionally starved or left to rot there forever. He could have been executed. No one could say he didn’t deserve it.</p><p>At least Viren was easy to understand. The threat he made in a fit of protective anger was upsetting, but it was ultimately something Roman could forgive. He was just a man—powerful and intelligent but still just a human. He wanted to study Roman, dismantle him into spare parts for whatever new monsters he would make. Simple.</p><p>Aaravos was much more confusing. The elf drew a rune in the air and made Roman’s mind shatter into pieces. Effortless. Then, with apologies and soft touches, Aaravos put him back together again. He didn’t ask for anything, as the king did, simply offering him comfort and attention as if he didn’t want anything in return.</p><p>Roman wasn’t sure which part of that was the most terrifying.</p><p>He remembered meeting Luca. How kind the mage had been, treating Roman like someone who <em> mattered </em>. As if he wasn’t just a homeless teenager, so guarded but desperate to let someone in. All it took was a scrap of kindness, and he was as loyal as any dog to his new master.</p><p>Was it really so different when he went to his knees for Viren or pleaded for more of Aaravos’s touch? They said they would help him, they would be different, but he didn’t—<em> couldn’t </em> believe them. It didn’t make sense that they would want to keep a monster like him for nothing more than a little of his blood and teeth.</p><p>Roman took the cap off his bottle, staring into it for a moment. If he was starving, he was weak. And if he was weak, he had no chance at all.</p><p>At full strength, he could physically outmatch any human. He may have let these people see him at his weakest, but they still hadn’t seen who he was when he wasn’t desperate and terrified. That was going to change. They would have his obedience and his body, but he wouldn’t give them his heart or he would have nothing left of himself when they eventually tired of this game.</p><p>He couldn’t run or fight them. This was the deal he had made, and it was the only option that would keep him alive right now. That didn’t mean he had to let his guard down for them, no matter how much they made him want to. Roman could control himself, even if it took more willpower than he had yet shown to keep them at a distance. He could do it. He <em> had </em>to.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter title from “ilomilo” by billie eilish<br/>a note about this au: viren never asked his soren to kill the princes. it’s not because he was better, the boys just didn’t find the egg, and then viren broke aaravos out and took over. callum and ezran are presumably alive, and rayla went back to xadia without meeting them.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. falling like the stars</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Viren wants to talk.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>The first day, no one came to his room except for the guards standing watch outside and the one who brought him two full bottles of blood. Roman drank both over the course of the day, holding his breath and focusing on the book he was reading as a distraction. It didn’t really work, but he was able to force it down anyway and felt stronger for it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Still, he slept less than two hours that night.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>On the second day, Roman sat in the window seat and watched the courtyard below. There wasn’t much to see, but he was too tired to read. Sunlight always hurt his eyes, and he felt uncomfortable being in open, direct light where anyone could see him, but he had never realized how immensely satisfying it was to curl up in the sun and sleep, soaking up the warmth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>After this discovery, Roman spent most of the day dozing on the window seat, occasionally waking up to peer into the courtyard and drink a little more. His anxiety about feeding was beginning to fade, as long as he didn’t think about where this blood was coming from.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He told himself it must be from an animal, but he knew the taste too well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The sun was starting to go down when he heard someone walking down the hall. He thought he recognized the gait, and by the time a knock came at the door, Roman was already opening it. “King Viren,” he said and felt a little smug about the surprise on the man’s face. “Come in.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren stepped into the room, and Roman watched him glance at the books scattered around every surface. The king’s eyes lingered with something like confusion on the thick blanket that had been dragged from the bed to the window seat because Roman was never truly warm enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I hope you haven’t been too bored,” Viren said, turning to face him again. “I was surprised to hear Aaravos still hasn’t come to see you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He doesn’t need to watch me now that the effects of the spell have passed,” Roman said. It wasn’t exactly a lie, but it wasn’t the answer to the king’s question either. He didn’t doubt Viren knew already, as close as he was to the elf.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah. Well, if you do wish to see him, you’re free to go to his room. Your guards have been informed already.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you, your majesty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>There was a flicker of a frown on Viren’s face before it disappeared behind his usual neutral expression. “Would you like to take a walk with me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman briefly considered saying no, just to prove to himself that the king wasn’t genuine in his apparent concern. Instead, he gave a forced smile. “That would be lovely.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>They both knew he was faking, but Roman was reasonably certain that Viren didn’t know what was hiding under his mask of polite detachment. Or maybe he knew and didn’t care.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman walked through the castle beside the king, offering polite but short responses to Viren’s attempts at conversation. He wasn’t being rude or insubordinate, having seen how well that would go, but he wasn’t engaging if he could avoid it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren led him outside and across a courtyard to a high wall still within the castle grounds. He tapped the wall with his staff, and a section of the bricks slid out and away to open an entrance. “This is our Xadian garden,” he said as he walked inside. “I thought you might like it.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman followed him in and stopped. It wasn’t a garden in the way he would have expected with shorn grass and neatly placed flowers. In fact, the first thing he noticed was that it seemed to be much later in the night here, as if they had stepped into another dimension. He looked back at the entrance and frowned at the light that seemed to stop before spilling into the garden as if reaching a wall of its own in midair.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s an illusion,” Viren said. He looked up, and Roman followed his gaze to see a clear view of the night sky. “The plants receive the sunlight they need, but it isn’t visible to our eyes.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman hummed but didn’t respond, focusing now on the garden itself. He had never seen Xadia, but it looked like a piece of the landscape had been carved out and brought here, every part of it strange and unfamiliar. A few trees dotted the large space, but it was mostly full of different types of strange plants and flowers growing among blades of soft grass. There was a path made of irregular but flat stones, artfully placed to look random but curving through in several directions to allow them to walk along and see everything.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ahead of them, there was a simple platform strewn with what could be the castle’s entire stock of blankets and pillows. Beyond that was a still pond that he could see stars reflecting in even from where he stood.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Come,” Viren said, turning to walk along the path.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman followed him, trying for a few minutes to seem only mildly interested. He gave up when he saw a glowing white butterfly the size of his head and realized a moment later that it was actually a flower. He stopped without thinking about it, only remembering who was with him when the king came back to stand beside him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It’s called a moonfrost flower,” Viren said. “If you stand closer, you can feel how cold it is. Touching it can give you frostbite or worse though, so be careful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman almost asked if he knew that because he had done it himself. “It’s beautiful,” he said instead. He didn’t step closer to the flower, and they moved along.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A cluster of mushrooms drew his attention next. These were small, but their color slowly shifted and changed as he watched, never settling on one shade for long. “Do you know what these are too?” Roman found himself asking before he could catch the impulse.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren only smiled at him. “Ah, those are madness mushrooms. They cause very strange hallucinations when ingested, but they are very useful for illusion spells.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman nodded and turned away from the mushrooms, trying not to show any of the tension he felt at even the mention of an illusion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Wait.” Viren sounded hesitant, almost unsure, and he was looking at the mushrooms when Roman turned back. “I wish to apologize,” the king said. “I was upset, and I have a tendency to lash out… rather inappropriately. I should not have threatened you with such a thing.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman watched him carefully. He had never seen Viren slouch, but now his posture was rigid. His body language, as well the pink in his face, lit well by the glowing plants around them and the stars above, showed extreme discomfort but not insincerity.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t need to apologize.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren looked at him for the first time, surprise giving way to confusion as he frowned at the younger man. “What do you mean?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman shrugged and started walking again, pleased when the king fell into step beside him. He appreciated small victories. “You’re the king,” he said simply. “You hold the power, and I was becoming… too comfortable.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The older man sighed, and it sounded disappointed. “We were both angry, but I am the one who crossed the line. Roman, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> you to be comfortable.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Whatever you wish, your majesty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, damn it!” Viren stopped him with a hand on his shoulder, turning him around to face him. “I will not try to force you to forgive me or forget your anger, but I don’t want you to feel you have to hide yourself to please me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman stared at him for a moment and then spoke slowly. “King Viren, you threatened me with a fate worse than death. Not for what I did but for what I said to you in anger. With all due respect, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> have to hide myself from you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is… a bad habit of mine to say things in anger that I do not mean that I do not mean. A shameful flaw. Listen.” The king paused and sighed again, pressed a hand to his mouth for a moment before he spoke. “Aaravos felt the spell necessary then, but even he agrees that it was a mistake. I sincerely apologize now for my part in it, and I promise I will never give that order against you again.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman hesitated, looking the man over for a moment. He sounded so genuine, and maybe it wasn’t just Aaravos who could easily convince Roman with a promise. “Thank you,” he said slowly. “That… helps.” It didn’t fix what happened or change his mind about distancing himself, but it did make him less afraid.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren smiled and waved a hand for him to follow as he stepped up to the platform and settled himself into the colorful nest. Roman sat near him and, after a moment of thought, laid back to look at the sky.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“This place is beautiful.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm.” Viren laid down beside him, a little closer now but not touching. “Aaravos created it. He says it calms him to feel at home and under the stars. I have found him asleep here many times after a nightmare.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman frowned. “Aaravos has nightmares?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, yes. He will not tell me all of them, but I know he often dreams of being back in his prison with all of our life here as just a dream itself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Now he turned to look at the older man, losing interest in the night sky. “He was in prison?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“He hasn’t told you? Ah, no, I suppose he wouldn’t want to bring it up.” Viren was still looking up at the stars, and his eyes looked so sad that Roman had to fight the sudden urge to reach for him. “He was imprisoned in a mirror by the king of the dragons for three hundred years, unable to see or speak to anyone.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Three hundred years?” He couldn’t keep the shock out of his voice, and he knew he must look horrified when Viren turned to him. He couldn’t imagine how horrific it must have been to be trapped alone for so long. How did Aaravos even survive without losing his mind? “There can’t be a crime worth </span>
  <em>
    <span>centuries</span>
  </em>
  <span> of solitude.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The older man smiled at him, though the sadness hadn’t left his eyes. “I agree. It was unjust—and meant to last all of eternity.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>What?”</span>
  </em>
  <span> Roman remembered the royal children telling him about their father’s relationship with the archmage, and he did reach for Viren now, taking his hand without a thought but to comfort him. “That’s not fair. I don’t care what he did—</span>
  <em>
    <span>nothing</span>
  </em>
  <span> could justify that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren was looking at him, his thumb rubbing gently over the back of Roman’s hand. “You really are very sweet,” he said softly. “I do hope I can earn your trust.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>For a moment, Roman kept eye contact with the older man but turned away to look at the stars again with a sigh. “I don’t understand,” he said. His voice was so quiet, but there was no other sound in the garden to hide it. “What do you want from me? If it was just to study me, why would you do all this?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I admit, I would have considered your only use to be what I can learn from you. Aaravos wanted to keep you, and I have learned to trust his judgment. But.” Viren lifted their joined hands to press a light kiss to the space between Roman’s knuckles. “I do quite enjoy your company. It seems the elf was right once again… What?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman hadn’t realized he was smiling, but he couldn’t stop it now. “Your kids told me you and Aaravos are betrothed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren groaned, his free hand coming up to cover his face. It didn’t hide his blush. “We are not betrothed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? Claudia seemed so sure.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Claudia is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>menace.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“But you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> together, right?” Roman found himself grinning as he watched the tips of the king’s ears turn pink. “Your son called Aaravos your ‘sparkly elf boyfriend’.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Ugh,</span>
  </em>
  <span> I told him to stop that.” Viren dropped his hand but didn’t look at the man beside him, eyes on the stars above them. “But yes, we are… </span>
  <em>
    <span>partners.</span>
  </em>
  <span> I suppose we never mentioned it to you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No. It explains a lot though.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Does it?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sure. I was wondering why he talks to you the way he does. I know he’s powerful, but you’re a </span>
  <em>
    <span>king</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It seemed strange that he could get away with that.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren sighed and shook his head, but there was a small smile on his lips. “Aaravos will do as he pleases,” he said. “I would </span>
  <em>
    <span>at least</span>
  </em>
  <span> have him show more respect in front of the council, but he is under no one’s control.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I can see that.” Roman couldn’t imagine Aaravos genuinely submitting to anyone’s will. Even when he was respectful to the king, it was always to get something he wanted. It seemed the elf could convince anyone to do anything to please him. Or maybe Roman and Viren were lovestruck idiots. “Did he really propose to you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm. He brings it up every week or so, just as a  reminder that I still haven’t given him an answer.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Really? You didn’t say yes?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren scoffed. “It isn’t an easy decision! A human, a </span>
  <em>
    <span>king</span>
  </em>
  <span>, marrying an elf is unheard of. And I haven’t wanted a spouse in a long time.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Me either.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The king looked at him with a thoughtful hum. “Why were you so surprised I haven’t said yes then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“What? Oh.” Roman shrugged, looking away. “I don’t know, um. I mean, you two seem so close.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Is that all?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>His face warmed, and he turned his head away, though he was still unwilling to let go of the other man’s hand. “Well… you know what I think of Aaravos.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“That he’s beautiful. Oh, and </span>
  <em>
    <span>made of stars</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Viren half sat up to lean over him, waiting for Roman to look at him before he smirked and continued. “Were you imagining marrying him yourself?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No!” Roman winced at his own obvious denial, watching the king’s smile grow as his blush darkened. “Okay, okay, fine. I was thinking I’d say yes even if he asked me </span>
  <em>
    <span>now</span>
  </em>
  <span> because I’ve yet to figure out how to deny him anything.” He sighed, looking away again. “Except when I’m being a brat.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yes, I did hear that story.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman’s gaze snapped back up to meet the king’s, surprising himself with how much he wanted more information. “Did he… Was he angry?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, a little.” Viren reached down to brush the younger man’s loose curls out of his face, continuing to stroke his hair when he allowed the touch. “Aaravos doesn’t take rejection well, but we both anticipated that you will have some trouble settling here.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t know if… I still don’t understand.” He couldn’t meet the other man’s eyes and found himself focusing on the top button of Viren’s tunic, his hand following his eyes just to toy with the metal piece. “You know how dangerous I can be. I could hurt someone in your castle, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>have</span>
  </em>
  <span> killed people in the past. I don’t understand why </span>
  <em>
    <span>either </span>
  </em>
  <span>of you want me here. It just—it can’t be anything that ends well for me, once you’re bored or have whatever it is you want and don’t need me alive anymore.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren shushed him, hand drifting down to settle on his chest, a warm weight stroking slowly up and down. “Because we want you,” he said quietly. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>I</span>
  </em>
  <span> want you, Roman. And once Aaravos falls for someone and lays claim, he never lets go. Trust me, I experienced it first hand.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman stared at him, suddenly overwhelmed by the thought that these two might really want him—possibly </span>
  <em>
    <span>forever,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and he couldn’t breathe with how badly he wanted it to be true. He forced an unsteady breath before giving into the urge to pull Viren down and kiss him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When Aaravos matched his chaste, gentle kiss, it had felt like a tease. When Viren did the same, it felt more like hesitation. His hand was on the younger man’s neck, stroking a thumb over his jaw. Roman decided to take his chance and deepen the kiss, relieved when the king responded enthusiastically. Viren’s hand fell to his waist, and Roman moaned quietly when they were pressed closer together.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Vaguely, he remembered that his plan had been to distance himself from the king. The reasons for that didn’t seem to matter now.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Emboldened, Roman finally pulled the button he had been toying with free. When Viren didn’t protest but sighed against his lips, he unbuttoned two more before he stopped to run his fingers lightly over the king’s collarbone. He had never seen Viren in less than a high-collared, well-tailored tunic. It looked good on him, but the first glimpse of bared skin stopped Roman briefly as he was overwhelmed with the urge to touch.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren laughed breathlessly as he finally broke the kiss, pulling back just far enough to be out of reach when Roman tried to follow him for a moment before dropping his head to the pillow again with a shaky sigh. “So sensitive,” the king said with a fond smile. “I thought it was just your infatuation with Aaravos that led you to open up to him so easily, but now I wonder.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman shrugged, giving him a flash of a smile. “He is </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> pretty, but… you are too.” He looked away when Viren looked at him with so much affection for it that it made his stomach tighten. “And I’m, you know, weak—in more ways than one.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, Aaravos is much the same when it comes to physical affection.” He leaned closer again, only briefly touching Roman’s lips before he moved on to trail kisses along his jaw and down his neck. “It’s sweet. You are a needy little thing, and I enjoy being needed.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman felt Viren’s tongue and then </span>
  <em>
    <span>teeth</span>
  </em>
  <span> over his pulse point and had to clap a hand over his mouth to try to muffle a needy whine. The king’s hand moved from his waist, drifting up under his shirt and over his stomach. Roman pressed into his touch eagerly, desperate for anything more Viren would give him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When he realized his fingers were curled tight in the other man’s collar, Roman used the grip to pull him up, drawing him in for a searing kiss. Viren met him with a breath of a laugh but matched his intensity, holding him close as the heat between them rose. Roman didn’t care what he or Aaravos were going to do to him as long as he could have </span>
  <em>
    <span>this,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and then the older man pulled away with a hiss of pain. He tasted blood on his tongue and watched a drop well up on Viren’s bottom lip with horror.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, I—it was an accident.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I don’t mind.” The king reached up, moving slowly as Roman’s wide eyes tracked each deliberate motion, and wiped the blood from his lip with his thumb. A moment passed as Viren waited for him to look up, making eye contact before pressing his thumb against the younger man’s lips—and past them when he automatically opened his mouth.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was just a taste, but Roman moaned when it touched his tongue, any arousal he had lost in hurting the king hitting him again full force.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh, very good,” Viren murmured, eyes dark and watching the other man’s expression closely. He brushed his thumb over Roman’s lower lip just to see him shiver before moving to cup his cheek as he panted lightly. “How do I taste then?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So good,” he breathed, holding eye contact as he turned his head to kiss the king’s hand. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Fuck, </span>
  </em>
  <span>I want to bite you. I won’t, I swear, I just… I </span>
  <em>
    <span>want</span>
  </em>
  <span> you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren stared down at him for a moment, seeming surprised (even though Roman had already confessed to wanting him several times, the younger man thought frustratedly). The king touched his bottom lip again with a thoughtful noise. “What if I want you to bite me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman’s breath left him on a shaky exhale, his grip on Viren’s collar tightening in an aborted move to pull him closer. “Do you?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Mm, it might be interesting. You’ve had such beautiful reactions so far. Do you know how to keep from taking too much?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman was nodding before he even stopped talking. “I know how,” he said, failing to keep a pleading tone out of his voice. “And I’m better fed now. I can control myself.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know you can.” Viren shifted to lay down, urging the younger man to lean over him. “Come on. I want you to.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He studied the king’s face, expecting the curiosity but not the excitement lighting his eyes. Roman took a moment just to touch him, one hand slipping under his high collar to run across his neck and down to rest against the sliver of skin that showed above the collar of his undershirt. A flash of annoyance at how many layers the man wore was buried under an ache to touch more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Your wrist,” Roman said after a moment, speaking quietly out of some irrational fear that this was some secret they needed to hide, even in this private garden. “I’ve been told it hurts less.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren rolled one of his sleeves up and let the other man take his arm, waiting expectantly. Roman took a breath, bringing himself under control before he leaned in and bit the king. His fangs didn’t sink in far, keeping the cut shallow enough that it wouldn’t bleed too much or too fast.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman groaned at the first taste, and Viren sucked in a sharp, pained breath but didn’t pull away. His other hand found the younger man’s hair, and having the king’s blood in his mouth made the sensation of being touched so much sweeter. Heat shot through him as he trembled, pressing close without even being aware that he was moving.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It had been a long time since he had last bitten someone who was this enthusiastic or even this </span>
  <em>
    <span>willing</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>When the flow of blood slowed, Roman whined. It was less than he could have safely taken, certainly less than he wanted, but he was unwilling to take more. He kissed the shallow wound lightly, overcome with need and a rush of gratitude. Another press of his lips to Viren’s wrist, then another further up as he followed the strip of skin to his sleeve. It wasn’t enough, and Roman moved up to continue across the king’s neck, eager to return as much pleasure as he had taken.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren was still petting his hair, and his voice was low and pleased. “How does it feel?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman moaned quietly, shaking with desperation as he clung to the man. “So good,” he said, breathless. “Like—</span>
  <em>
    <span>heat</span>
  </em>
  <span>. I want…” He couldn’t find the words, but Viren seemed to understand, bringing him up into a kiss, this one less coordinated as Roman begged wordlessly for more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren’s hands fell to his hips, pulling him closer and shifting to slip a thigh between his legs. Roman moaned at the new pleasure, a relief that wasn’t exactly what he wanted but took the edge off the ache—until he realized he could feel the hard line of the king’s erection pressed against his thigh, and suddenly, rubbing against him wasn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>nearly</span>
  </em>
  <span> enough.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It felt like torture to pull himself back again, just far enough to give himself room to reach down. Roman didn’t know how long it had been since he last touched someone this way, but the feeling of it had him breaking the kiss with a sharp breath as the man beneath him pressed into his hand, seeking pleasure that was gladly given. He did his best to wrap his fingers around the king’s clothed cock and stroke, pressing his thumb against the head as Viren groaned and dragged him into another kiss.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>This one was short, but Roman was still panting when he broke away again. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Please</span>
  </em>
  <span>,” he said as his fingers twisted into the ties of the king’s pants, and he sounded </span>
  <em>
    <span>wrecked</span>
  </em>
  <span>. It would almost be embarrassing how quickly he lost himself to this, but he couldn’t think past the need to have more. “Please, can I… I want to touch you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren’s eyes were on his lips, taking a beat too long to respond before shaking his head. “Not yet,” he said, but the wave of disappointment was halted when he reached down to palm the younger man’s cock. Roman had almost forgotten his own pleasure, so focused on the king, and the touch sent a jolt of heat straight through him.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Here, lay back,” Viren said, guiding Roman off of him to lay on the pillows and blankets again. He followed, leaning over the younger man to kiss his neck, hands drifting down to unbutton his pants and tug them down enough to expose him. Viren’s hands were bigger than his and hot in the way all living things were. When he wrapped his fingers around Roman’s cock, it was with a firm grip that had him shuddering and clinging to the other man once again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren pushed the his shirt up as he continued to kiss over his chest. Roman found the strength to let go of the king’s clothing long enough to pull his shirt off the rest of the way. Viren made a pleased sound, running both hands over his sides up to his chest. It brought a whine from the younger man when the other let go of his cock, but the touch felt good enough that he wouldn’t start begging—yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The king began to move slowly down Roman’s body, and he couldn’t remember the last time someone had paid this much attention to his pleasure—especially when Viren settled between his legs as if he intended to stay there. When he leaned down to kiss the younger man’s inner thighs, Roman pushed himself up just enough to see him fully, leaning back on his elbows. “What are you doing?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren looked up at him, raising an eyebrow as if he had asked a stupid question. “Well, I intend to pleasure you—like this.” He leaned down, pressing a light kiss to Roman’s cock and smiling when he gasped and tried to lift his hips. The king held him down and looked up at him. “Unless you would prefer something else?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman stared at him for a moment, suddenly a little more nervous about this entire situation. This didn’t seem like a precursor to anything, but he didn’t think anyone had </span>
  <em>
    <span>ever</span>
  </em>
  <span> touched him without expecting something in return. Maybe Viren did too, but at this point, he didn’t think he’d mind. “No, I want this,” Roman said, and his voice was quieter than he intended. “Please.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Of course, Roman. You only have to ask.” Before he could think too much about what that meant, Viren took his cock in hand and leaned down again, taking the tip into his mouth. It was immediately more than Roman could bear, and he cursed under his breath as he sunk back to lay down again fully. The king continued to hold his hips down as he slowly bobbed his head, and each motion and flick of his tongue made Roman twitch, moaning too loud until he covered his mouth in an effort to quiet himself.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren pulled back, working him slowly with one hand, already deliciously wet with precum and his spit. “You don’t have to do that,” he said. “I’d like to hear you—if you will allow me.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman only hesitated another moment before dropping his hand back to the nest of blankets. He was rewarded by the king’s lips wrapped around him again, and he didn’t try to muffle his groan. He wasn’t going to last much longer, he knew, and that was before Viren took his hand and pulled it down to the back of his head. Roman sighed shakily and stroked his hair, not trying to take control but letting the other man continue at the same too-slow pace.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was only another few minutes before Roman whimpered, wanting more, his fingers tightening in Viren’s hair, and that seemed to be the cue the king was waiting for to speed up the bobbing of his head, his hand stroking faster and then letting go as he took the entirety of Roman’s cock. The wet heat, the feeling of Viren’s throat tightening around his length all became very abruptly too much, and let out a strangled sound that was halfway between a moan and a sob as his climax hit him so suddenly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren swallowed around him, working him through it until the waves of pleasure began to subside and Roman was gasping with overstimulation. He was still shaking when the king moved to lay beside him and pull the younger man into his arms. Viren stroked his hair and side, pressing a light kiss to his lips and then his temple as his trembling began to subside.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Roman said once he had more control over his voice.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“For what?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I should’ve warned you before—”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ah. You have nothing to be sorry for then.” Viren pulled him closer, making a pleased sound when Roman let his head rest on the king’s chest.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Thank you,” he said, closing his eyes as he felt tears threatening to spill. He didn’t know why he was feeling the need to cry when nothing bad had happened, but it didn’t seem he would be able to stop it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Trust me, Roman, it was very much my pleasure,” Viren said softly. He rubbed his hand over the younger man’s back and kissed the top of his head. “It’s alright. I’m not going to judge you.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Roman winced and didn’t dare look up at him, but his voice was thick and confirmation enough of his emotional state when he spoke. “It’s dumb.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“It is </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” Viren’s arms wrapped around him fully, and Roman took a shuddering breath. “Aaravos and myself have both done the same. You will find no judgment with us.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was a few minutes before Roman could respond, slowly calming himself to avoid a full breakdown. “Thanks,” he said again, barely above a whisper.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Viren only hummed and continued to hold him, giving him as much time as he needed.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>chapter title from "falling like the stars" by james arthur<br/>~~<br/>okay, so. this fic isn't going to be updated again for a bit. i have more chapters written and partially edited, but my mental health dipped a little recently, and i lost my motivation. but! this will be finished! it just might take a little longer than expected. i may post updates on my tumblr (kaizokuseb) if you want to check there</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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